One of my good friends here just found out that her 8-year-old daughter C is being bullied at school. The kids call her names, pinch her, sit on her bag, take her things, and laugh at her. Last week they took away her chair and wouldn’t give it back until they heard the teacher returning to class, then immediately returned it to her. This kind of thing has been going on for a while, but this past week was the first time she confided in her mom. She told her mom that she had no friends at the school she has attended for the past 4 years.
C has already switched classes to join the one friend she has a private martial arts class with — but that friend already has her own group of friends (they’re all the same religion), so she ignores C at school. It’s a small school so C will remain with these same kids the entire time she attends this school, which goes up to 12th grade. Another school is not an option as it is the only private school in town.
C is half Filipino, whereas almost all the kids in her school are Filipino. The first four years of her life she lived in her birth country, so she brings a packed “Western” lunch to school (the food she prefers), whereas all the local kids buy food from the cafeteria and eat there. C has an expat friend E that is a year older and also attends the same school, and he endures much worse, relentless bullying daily. He would tell me about it regularly which broke my heart. I talked to his parents about it, but his dad says that he was bullied the same way as a child. E is easy to bully because he is an extremely sensitive kid so it’s easy to make him cry, and the kids have made a game out of it.
The school is run by good people who have really made a difference in the lives of local children. I know they take bullying seriously. My friend has since talked to her daughter’s teacher, but when the teacher asked C about the bullying, she was reluctant to talk about it. And the kids never do it in the presence of teachers, so C’s teacher was completely unaware about any bullying. C is a kind, smart, athletic, and pretty girl. She does taekwondo and kickboxing (which is great for self esteem and kids that are bullied), and she has friends outside of school. They’re all local kids who attend the public elementary school so she has no problem befriending local kids. The quality of education at the local school unfortunately is not the best so it’s not an option.
My friend asked me for advice on what she should do. I suggested she throw a party only for C’s classmates, and play fun team building/bonding type games. That way she could meet the parents of the kids too and perhaps that could lead to playdates and positive interactions between the kids outside of school. I also suggested that she talk to the mom of C’s friend in the martial arts class, and maybe have the martial arts teacher talk to C’s friend as well. If C even had just one friend at school, it would make all the difference. It’s a tough situation because all the kids have been attending the school for years, so they already have their cliques.
Bullying sucks and no kid deserves to be bullied. If it were me I would probably opt to homeschool in this situation. But that’s not a privilege accessible to everyone.
What would you do if your child was being bullied?
pear / 1565 posts
This is really tough. My oldest just started kindergarten so I haven’t really had to think about this issue as much. Being a minority, and more introverted by nature, I def worry about her being bullied a lot. I was bullied when I immigrated to the US; I don’t think I ever told my parents about it. And it was one of those “what didn’t kill me made me stronger” situations. It was awful, but hey I lived through it! I would be so heartbroken if my kids have to go through it though.
I def agree that making just ONE friend at this point, would make a big difference for her. I really hope there will be a turning point for her
guest
Do one on one playdates with as many kids as you can. The new dynamic can help the school kids see this little girl for who she is, not what the group thinks. One on one can be key to making friends. Outside of the group a single kid with a single kid can alter perspectives.
Is there something she can do or have that would make her similar? You said she doesnt like the lunch food, but do they all like hello kitty or something? Sometimes those little things being alike can make a huge impact on being in the group.