Hellobee

Another post I am surprised to be writing. And something I could barely talk about after initially hearing the news. Why am I sharing it on the internet then? Well, I went looking for other families with this same issue (on YouTube and Instagram), and they were incredibly hard to find because a diagnosis of severe IUGR or intrauterine growth restriction, is not usually seen this early in pregnancy. From what I found, IUGR is more common after 30 weeks gestation, in the case of multiplies, or families that are considerably short in stature, but when found this early on it can be a red flag for many different outcomes. So if I can make someone else feel less alone at any point, it is worth sharing our journey.

The first hour of our anatomy scan was lovely. I held my husband’s hand and we watched our baby on the screen as the tech began taking her measurements. My placenta was confirmed to be anterior and I was relieved because I could not feel much movement at all and with a 3rd pregnancy, I was starting to get worried. At one point the tech had me recline and she was pushing the wand into my uterus with such force that I was sore for two days afterwards. I couldn’t see much from my reclined position, but I was still content. Baby was just snuggled in down low and I knew it was common to have trouble getting some of the measurements depending on baby’s position.

The tech left and we waited for the MFM (maternal fetal medicine) specialist to chat with us. When it was pushing 30 minutes I started to feel like something was off. I should point out we were getting a level two ultrasound at a perinatal clinic because I was 35 and considered Advanced Maternal Age. The doctor finally came into the room and tried to see if baby was in a better position for her; baby was not. After a few minutes of chatting she began to show us the measurements of baby’s body parts, organs, and limbs. They were measuring at 17.5 weeks or 18 weeks, but never 20 weeks. She explained that baby was “abnormally small,” and how physicians worry about babies who are above the 90th percentile and below the 10th. Our baby was measuring below the 3rd percentile and that was extremely concerning to her. The MFM went on to say this could be a sign of genetic disorder, a baby who is incompatible with life, a placenta issue, or an infection. I would now be considered high-risk, need extra monitoring and care, and the odds of a premature birth were very likely.

I was in shock at first, not really understanding. “But baby could just be really small right?” Because that IS a possibility. She agreed but looking at my husband’s height of 6’2″ and my average height of 5’5″ plus the fact that our boys were on the bigger end, coming in at the 70th and 90th percentiles, this seemed extremely abnormal for us. She also pointed out baby’s chin noting how it seemed under-developed. I replied that Mr. Cookie has a very narrow chin and face and that doesn’t surprise me at all, but she said it was hard to tell with his beard covering his face.

The MFM specialist also had us meet with a genetic counselor and the counselor attempted to explain to us the many chromosomal and genetic possibilities our baby could have. Both women suggested doing an amniocentesis for further information. After talking with Mr. Cookie we did decline for now. First off, an amnio comes with a small risk of miscarriage. But we also didn’t have any other markers of genetic disorders and we have never done any genetic testing in blood work or otherwise because I find them to be more anxiety-inducing instead of calming. An amnio can eliminate the most common abnormalities but not all of them, so there’s always a possibility of genetic disorder. Plus, I point blank asked the genetic counselor what could they do after finding out a baby was non-compatible with life or had Downs Syndrome or Skeletal dysplasia? The answer is nothing short of some slight mental preparation and a NICU team in the delivery room, which I’m pretty much guaranteed at this point anyway. I also asked the odds of having a baby with a genetic disorder and she told us between 2 and 10%.

So I’m choosing to remain hopeful. My husband and I are not sure there is a way to fully prepare ourselves for some of these outcomes anyway. We may consider more testing after our next ultrasound because frankly, we really don’t know what to do. We’re just trying to take it one appointment at a time and be open to listening to doctor recommendations while still asking for evidence-based facts, and all possible conclusions.  I did agree to have my blood tested for infection because that was an easy thing I could do and did not affect baby. An infection can sometimes cause a baby to stop growing this early in pregnancy, but none was found in my blood.

In an effort to end this on a positive note, here is the good news. Baby’s placenta looks great and is working as it should at the moment. Baby’s heart rate is normal and strong in the 140’s. Baby’s head circumference is the one body part measuring on track, which is wonderful news for baby’s brain, and there are no other markers for genetic issues. So now we wait for our follow-up ultrasound at 24 weeks, during the first week of September.

We’re over halfway through the wait and to be honest, it’s been pure torture. Maybe I will share how I’ve dealt with a high-risk pregnancy in another post, but I do better when I think positively and not dwell on worst case scenarios. I find hope in reading other mama’s success stories, and I find peace from journaling and positive affirmations. Thankfully I started feeling baby move a bit at 21.5 weeks and I am so grateful for that. I also had a midwife appointment where I got to hear baby’s heartbeat again (yay), but that appointment did not go as expected either, so I suppose “switching care providers and changing your birth plan” will be one of the next blog posts in this saga.

I know I’m not alone in having a high-risk pregnancy and my heart goes out to anyway who has experienced something similar or different or hard or anything out of the ordinary at all. I know we will have answers at some point, but for now we have to take this pregnancy one day at a time.