We are not a religious family. I grew up Catholic, my husband grew up Christian, but neither of our families were very involved with practicing. My kids aren’t baptized, we don’t belong to any church groups, we celebrate holidays in a secular way… and with one atheist parent and one agnostic humanist, that likely isn’t going to change. While this never seemed like a big deal when we lived in Los Angeles, it now weighs more heavily on me.
Our home is in an area that is fairly religious, with high LDS and Catholic populations. Most of the members of local government and school boards here are LDS. Many of the teachers and administrators at Ace’s school are Baptist or LDS. While our closest friends are either “nothing” or non-denominational Christians, many of the students at Ace’s school are heavily involved with a church.
I worry that my kids will feel left out. That they will miss the sense of community that their peers might have. I have been thinking of joining the local Unitarian Universalist congregation, as their beliefs reflect my own in many ways, and they have an excellent children’s program. It is a bit far from our house, but I have visited twice and enjoyed the service. I love that they teach the children about all religions of the world, that they are pro-science and pro-evolution, and that they have amazing community outreach efforts. But, Mr. Jellyfish isn’t sold. We’ve been talking about it every once in a while for nearly a year and we haven’t decided yet.
I want my kids to be tolerant of all beliefs and religions. I want them to learn more than I ever did about the people of the world (I’m still learning, I took many religion classes in college because I felt like I had zero understanding of anything and I needed to change that). I want them to feel safe and secure enough to ask us, and others, questions about religion, death, church… whatever they need. I grew up in fear. I had severe anxiety as a child and felt worry, shame, and panic when it came to these topics. I didn’t ask questions, because I didn’t feel comfortable doing so. I simply hope to provide a solid foundation for Ace and Lou to build upon. And I think that attending a Universalist congregation would be helpful for all of us. Now I just need to convince my husband!
Anyone out there part of a UU congregation? I have been doing more and more research on their practices, and I am impressed with Lifespan Sexuality Education series as well. I would love to hear about your experiences with your children and religion, no matter what religion you identify with!
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
What if you started going regularily on your own and just started talking about what you learned? My BIL is agostic (I think) and my sister will talk about her faith with him. It’s anazing how many complete misconceptions he had about our church simply because he stopped going as a teenager.. Your situation is different, but it might be a place to start.
blogger / apricot / 250 posts
My family shares the exact same struggle and now we are about to move to Memphis, TN where there is a much larger religious/church community. I’m worried about many of the same things you described and just want my kids to grow up informed and tolerant of all religions/beliefs. Thank you for this post because a lot of times I feel a little isolated in our families absence of religion.
pomelo / 5084 posts
DW and I are “nothing” also, although my parents are Jewish and hers are Methodist. We too have chosen a similar liberal church for when/if we feel DS needs something (UCC). For now, I think we decided to wait until he’s in school and asks about it.
blogger / apricot / 439 posts
Thank you for this post. We are very similar and I worry about the exact same things you’ve outlined. I’ll be following the responses here closely!
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
We are raising our kids without religion as neither of us are religious. But I went to a Christian church of my own accord from 5-16 years of age (my family was not religious so I went on my own… the owner of our apt building was a pastor which is why I went to church at 5 without my parents). And I have no regrets. The people I met from church are still some of my best friends to this day. I think church made me a better person and it was a positive influence on my life, but I am not religious at all now.
cherry / 194 posts
We’re in a similar situation. I live in an extremely liberal and secular area, so not being part of a church hasn’t been a big deal in terms of losing out on community connections. But I still have been debating the idea of joining a Unitarian church. I also like the idea of volunteering as a family (once the kids are older) on Sat or Sun mornings to emphasize the importance of being part of and giving back to our community.
grape / 75 posts
We have been attending a local UU church at least a couple Sundays a month, for about six months now. My husband grew up Christian, while I have no religious background. Our son really enjoys going, especially the children’s religious education classes. I love what they teach the kids – they are learning about faith, life and death, social justice, etc. I am thrilled that they have a sexual education program that involves age appropriate discussions of things like consent (which begins in Kindergarten).
I appreciate on Sunday morning services hearing messages about issues like equality and taking care of the earth, and being with other progressive people. We occasionally volunteer there as a family and go to other church events as well, and may become more involved eventually. While we had both been interested in attending, it was actually my husband who made it happen.
persimmon / 1233 posts
I think so many of the problems facing people today (increasing depression, anxiety, loneliness) are due to a lack of community and social support, and for better or worse, religion is probably the most widespread/effective path to that community in this country.
We are Jewish and are raising our kids the same, though we’re also pretty agnostic. Fortunately, being Jewish (the Reform kind) doesn’t really require a belief in God. We appreciate the traditions, music, holidays, culture, etc. We just started sending DS1 to Sunday School this year and he likes it. I like that he has a place to feel at home besides home and school. We will send our kids to Jewish sleepaway camp when they’re old enough.
Also, my Christian friends def tried to convert (“save”) me in high school, and I want my kids to have a strong sense of self to withstand things like that. I think it’s easier to combat that with a solid religious foundation than with nothing.
I will say, I felt much less connected to my Judaism when I lived in NYC than I do now that I live in Texas. There’s something about being a minority that bonds people together, I think.
Anything that can make this giant world seem smaller and make space to think about things bigger than our day-to-day lives is a good thing IMO.
persimmon / 1495 posts
We are also a mostly “nothing” family. My DH was raised Catholic but is now atheist and secular. I was raised Jewish and still identify as culturally Jewish, but I don’t feel a connection to organized religion. My parent are very active in their synagogue, so we do occasional Jewish holidays with them. Even though we’re in an urban area where it’s no big deal to be non-religious, I wish that our son could have a community like the one that I grew up with. We are thinking about joining our local secular humanist congregation. The focus is on social justice and environmental activities. There’s a “golden rule” Sunday school where kids learn about different religions and do community service activities. I think it will be a good fit for our family, we just need to take the initiative to start going.
pomegranate / 3973 posts
I was raised and am catholic, albeit not a great one since I don’t make it to church often. My DH grew up with no religion, and really struggles with it, especially when it comes to death.
I bring our kids to church probably 4-5 times a year, my step-daughter attends ccd classes, and our 2 kids will as well, they are all baptized.
DH and I have been together 13 years and I’ve never forced him to attend mass, but he has become more open to it and will go once or twice a year. He also started to volunteer with me at the summer church picnic and enjoys it. So even just being open to the community of the church, whether he believes or not, has been very helpful.
I also tremendously appreciate that he will allow me to raise our kids as catholic, with no reservations about doing so.