Hellobee

Sometimes I feel like all I write about is daycare issues, but for those of you who are dealing with transitions between daycares, I thought I would share our experience.

A quick recap: the daycare that is a few blocks from our home and both our kids have attended since they were infants lost their lease and is closing at the end of June. We’ve been scrambling to find a new daycare, preferably one with space for both kids, but resigned ourselves to having to place them in two separate daycares for a while after selecting the daycare that fit our needs best. We enrolled our oldest son Lion in a new daycare in early May. I started writing this post soon after, but then about a month later we found out that (miraculously) we got a spot for Panda at the end of June! We had initially been told that November was the soonest that we might get a spot for Panda (and that January was more likely) but the day I was about to put a deposit at another daycare, I got the phone call from Lion’s daycare. Needless to say, we were ecstatic. I decided to hold off on posting this until I saw how both kids adjusted and do a single transitioning post.

How would these kids handle a new daycare transition?

Preparing for the Idea of a Change

Lion: At 2.5 years old, we were able to talk to Lion a lot to prepare him for the idea of change. He knew that his old daycare was closing, had seen many of his friends leave for new schools and we had talked generally about how he would go to a new school, too. About two weeks before we made the move, we started really getting him ready for a new daycare. Of course, it was at this moment that we understood that when we said he was going to a new school, he thought all his friends were going to the same new school and that he’d be going there too. Whoops. There was definitely some disappointment when he learned that he would have to make new friends and didn’t know anyone at his new school. While he had initially been excited, he started saying that he didn’t want to go to a new school anymore.

A week before his start date, I took Lion to his new daycare for a visit. He was very clingy and started to cry a little bit, even when I reassured him that we were only visiting and I wasn’t going to leave him. Still, he refused to play and seemed a little overwhelmed when the kids in his class ran over and tried to give him hugs. He’s extremely shy, so his reaction was not unexpected. I made a point to remember as many of the kids’ names as I could so that I could bring them up over the next few days. I would say something like, “Jonathan seems nice!” or “Remember, Linda was wearing a shirt with Batman and Superman? I think she likes superheroes just like you!” We talked about how big his new playground was and the fact that there were bicycles he could ride.

On Saturday and Sunday before his start date, we talked a lot about his new school, trying to get him excited. On Sunday evening, I showed him the pillows I bought for him to take to his new school (his old daycare provided the pillows) and let him pick between an Angel Dear pillow and Luvdbaby one. He was very excited about the one by Luvdbaby and kept calling it his “superdog.” He insisted on playing with it for a while and didn’t let me pack it up right away. He told me that he was excited about his new school. Then, before bed, I reminded him that in the morning we would go to his new school. He seemed totally fine, but then woke up multiple times in the middle of the night crying. It took a good week or two for his sleep to go back to “normal” (though he’s never been a great sleeper).

Panda: With Panda, I didn’t talk about it nearly as much. Although he has a good vocabulary for his age and seems to understand quite a bit, at 17 months, I just felt like he wouldn’t benefit from the same amount of talking. I did take him in for a visit a few days before he started to meet his teachers and he was a little more shy than usual. When we moved from the office to his new classroom, though, he quickly found toys he wanted to play with. The fact that he had been inside the building multiple times before since he had gone with me to pick up Lion probably helped. He happily waved and said, “bye bye!” with a big smile on his face when we left, giving me some hope for his first day.

First Day

Lion: The director and his teachers advised us to spend no more than 30 minutes with Lion at his new school on his first day and however much time we spent, to slowly reduce it over the course of his first week. Lion was very anxious and shy, but then seemed to open up a little bit when he saw another child playing with some very large dinosaurs. We had brought him breakfast in case other kids were eating too, but he seemed more torn between clinging to us and playing on the floor with the other kids. After about fifteen minutes, one of the teachers suggested that Mr. Dolphin leave and then I should follow suit five minutes later. Lion definitely caught on to that and was not happy. He wanted to play with the dinosaurs, but every time he saw one of us make a move to leave, he started crying. We kept emphasizing the fact that we would be coming back to pick him up, just like at his old daycare, but he definitely did not want us to leave. When we left, he was crying and a teacher was holding him back from following us.

One other thing I did for Lion was give him a Little People superhero figure, since he loves superheroes. His teachers said it was fine if he brought a toy with him and I thought a new toy might make him excited. I told him that the superhero would be there to protect him at school all day if he needed and he picked Batman. Right before I left, as I was giving him his hug, I stuffed it in his pocket.

I called at lunch and was told that he was actually adjusting quite well. I was told that he had played with a couple of new friends, ate his lunch, and (much to our surprise) was napping. They had music class that day and his teacher said he joined right in. When I picked him up his teacher said that he was adjusting pretty well. Even better, he had no accidents! It was actually the first day he’d ever gone to school in underwear, so I was pretty ecstatic that he’d made it through accident free. I asked if he had a good day at his new school and he was a little ambivalent, but when I listed a few names of other kids in the class, he got excited and would say, “we played trains together!”

Getting ready for Lion’s second day at his new daycare.

Panda: I can’t really say exactly what happened with Panda on his first day because I was traveling for work. What Mr. Dolphin did report, though, was that he only spent about five minutes in the toddler room. He and Lion went to drop Panda off and, apparently, Lion was thrilled to have his brother there. Mr. Dolphin said that Panda didn’t cry and was happily eating yogurt when they exited the toddler room, but that when he left the building after dropping Lion off, he heard Panda wailing. He said that Panda had probably figured out that he and Lion had left because they didn’t say goodbye and just snuck out. I called the school around lunchtime and Panda’s teacher said that he was sleeping, that he cried on and off, but that he was happy to see his brother on the playground.

First Week

Lion: Lion repeatedly asked when Panda would come to his new school. I think the separation from his brother, even though they usually only saw each other for a few minutes at his old daycare, affected him more than anything else. On Friday of the first week, after we dropped Panda off and were driving to the new daycare, Lion said, “Mama, can you please go get Panda for me? I want him to come to my new school because I love him. I’m sad without him.” Cue my heart breaking.

One of the days, the teacher told me that Lion had befriended a 16-month-old girl on the playground. The teacher said that she thought the girl reminded Lion of his brother since they were about the same age. I thought that was really sweet and when I asked Lion about it, he told me that he had made friends with her because he was “getting my new school ready for Panda.”

Putting aside the fact that Lion missed his brother, I think Lion transitioned pretty well that first week. His teachers reported that he made friends quickly and was adjusting well, eating well at lunch time and falling asleep easily for nap. Whenever I picked him up at the end of the day, he was always happily running around squealing and laughing with his new friends. He would come home and tell me all about the friends he played with and the new toys at daycare. He still cried at drop off, but I didn’t worry too much about it because he would cry about half the time at drop off at his old daycare, too.

On the Friday of Lion’s first week, his classroom hosted a Mother’s Day tea party. When I walked in, Lion was sitting at the table and upon seeing me shouted, “Mama! You’re here! We’re going to have a tea party! It’s almost ready!” He was happily chatting away with his friends and looked like he was at home in his new daycare.

The bigger sign that Lion was going through a transition didn’t manifest itself at daycare, but at home. Every single night, Lion woke up in the middle of the night crying for the first two weeks. He was fine during waking hours, or so it seemed, but was definitely feeling some sort of anxiety about everything that seemed to come out while he was sleeping. That said, I was relieved with how happy he was during the day.

Panda: Panda’s first week was similar to Lion’s in that drop offs were a bit hit or miss. Panda attached himself quickly to one of the teachers, who was actually a teacher for the four-year-old classroom but helped out in the toddler room in the mornings. If she was in the room when we arrived, Panda would run into her arms then happily sit at the table and eat his breakfast. If a different teacher was there, he would cling on to me or his brother and start wailing. After we would drop Lion off in his room, we had to pass by the toddler room and Panda was always calm at this point; of course, whenever I peeked into the room I realized it was because his favorite teacher had arrived.

His teachers reported that he was adjusting well, though. They said he cried off and on, but he was always thrilled to see his brother whenever they played outside. They also said that he would go in search of his favorite teacher during outside time and often would reattach himself to her rather than play with the other kids. His favorite teacher told me that she would give him a hug, but encourage him to play with the other kids.

Walking to the car after daycare pickup last week.

Lion’s teachers told me that Lion was super happy to have his brother there and would find him during the outside time to hug him and walk around with him. One day, one of Lion’s teachers said, “Lion’s so nice to his brother! Panda walked over and wanted the toy that Lion was playing with, and Lion just gave it to him!”

Second Week

Lion: Lion really settled in by the second week and we had few, if any, tears at drop off. We discovered “protection kisses” which seemed to work in keeping tears at bay during drop off. A couple of days, when I picked him up from daycare, he would run to me and yell, “Mama! I didn’t cry today!” He quickly made friends and his days were filled with all sorts of activities that his old daycare didn’t have. His new school has music classes that are included with the tuition (unlike soccer or karate or dance which are extra) and special visits from performers or animals. He still talked a lot about his old friends and teachers, but mostly to ask if they could come to his new school.

Panda: Panda’s second week was much like his first for drop offs. He cried when his favorite teacher wasn’t there, but was happy when she was. His teachers reported that he fully adjusted during the second week and we even ditched the pacifier for naptimes. He made friends in his own class as well as in the older toddler classroom, but his favorite part of the day is when they sometimes bring him to Lion’s classroom at the end of the day.

General Thoughts/Tips 

• Visit: Even though the day of the visit itself didn’t go over so well with Lion, I think it made a big difference in helping him through his first day. The school wasn’t completely foreign to him and the fact that we talked about some of his new friends before he started helped. Even though Panda had been in the building many times, I think having a special visit where he could see his classroom helped.
• New pillow: Getting a new pillow was something that really helped Lion get excited about his new daycare. Hilariously, his teacher told me that he refuses to use it as a pillow. Every time she tries to move it to where his head is, Lion tells her, “No, I want to hold my super dog not lie down on it!” The point is, it was something special for him since he has just a plain small rectangular pillow at home. Even now, he gets excited to take home his “super dog” every Friday for us to wash.
• Toy/lovey: Although Lion has a lovey at home, we only have one since it’s a stuffed animal I purchased years ago because I thought it was cute. I didn’t want him to bring it because it can’t be replaced and I wanted him to have it during the evenings. Instead, I let him have a special new toy which, as a bonus, was a superhero so it could “protect” him. To be honest, I think the effect was pretty minimal for Lion. For Panda, we have the Angel Dear lovey that he’s been attached to since about six weeks old, so we just purchased an extra one for him to take to his new school for nap. HIs teachers reported that he went down easily for naptime when they gave him his lovey. I think having something that he was already attached to was a key factor in providing comfort, unlike the new toy that Lion had.
• Protection kisses: After a few days of separation anxiety and tears at Lion’s drop off, we started instituting “protection kisses.” I would give Lion a hug and then give him a big kiss on the cheek. I would then use my fingers to “smash” the kiss on and make sure it was really stuck. I would ask Lion if it was stuck on or if it was going to fall off. If he said it was going to fall off, I’d use my fingers to stick it on more until he laughed and said it was good. Then he would ask for another kiss on his other cheek. Pretty soon, Lion was saying that they were “stuck on” to begin with, which was a signal to me that he was feeling more comfortable. Today, we still do protection kisses, but he tells me they are stuck on immediately.
• Breakfast at school: His new daycare lets the kids bring breakfast in if they want (they provide all snacks and lunch). Although we feed the kids breakfast before we leave the house because they would be super cranky otherwise, I decided to bring food for Lion the first week to see how things went. Because almost all the other kids bring breakfast, I was worried that he would feel left out if he didn’t have food, too. As it turns out, breakfast is a great distraction from the separation anxiety. Usually, Lion is already digging into his fruit or yogurt while I’m giving him his protection kisses. Panda, too, is often distracted by his blueberries as we say goodbye.

Thrilled to be reunited at the same daycare!