Hellobee

Just a quick comment, I was in the same boat regarding holding my son back or starting him on time and after a lot of discussions with moms that have kids in the public schools, I learned that schools are not very keen to hold kids back any more (largely for budget reasons). They’re pushing them through even though it might not be in their best interest.

eta: I would also love to see a country wide cut off, rather than state by state.

My son is a an August baby and I’m not sure what we will do. My brother is a September baby (today actually!) and my mom had him do two years of kindergarten because he was “immature”. He always enjoyed being the oldest in his grade – first to drive, first to drink, etc.

My daughter has an August birthday and we actually have no solid idea of when she’ll start 4-year-old preK and Kindergarten. Right now, the law in our state uses Sept 1 as the cut-off but school starts ~Aug 1, meaning she would be the youngest in her class. Our state keeps creating bills to move the cut-off to Aug 1, though, so there’s a chance she may be the one of the oldest in her class. For her sake, I really hope they keep the September cut-off, but I can see other parents feeling differently.

My son has an August birthday (8/8) and he is starting K on time this week (he’ll be one of the youngest)— he actually steps it up and behaves better when he is around older kids so I hope he’ll continue this trend. He also starts soccer this week and again he will be the youngest and could be a full 2 years younger than his team mates. We shall see how it goes! My husband and I are both tall and my son is tracking on the tall side, so I wonder if I would feel differently if he was ‘smaller’?? I think he would be bored in pre-school for another year, he is still working on coloring in the lines but I’m pretty sure he will still be working on that in HS! He is not a color-er

My older two have winter or spring birthdays so it was pretty clear cut. My third is late August and a few people have suggested holding her back a year. Most were in a similar boat themselves and had a hard time being the youngest, smallest, last to hit puberty or milestones. But all said it was an issue in middle and high school, not elementary. Not sure yet but leaning to sending her on time. If we held her back it would make her closet in school years to her younger brother rather than to the older two.

LO1 has a November birthday, so I don’t have to make a decision for him. LO2 is a June birthday, so we’ll have to see (he’s only 1 right now…) I’d have to see a compelling need to redshirt him, I think. I have an August birthday and was always one of the youngest. I did fine academically, but socially was a bit more of a struggle for awhile (I was also physically tiny, which was part of the problem).

As for being only a year apart: My older brother and I are two years apart, but I was only one grade behind, because my brother went to a transitional K/1 program (for kids ready to be in 1st academically, but maybe needing a bit more time socially). My parents think the program was great for him. He of course blames all his life problems on it. So who know. But I don’t think it bothered him that I was only a year behind–I was still his little sister and not in the same grade, so it didn’t much matter.

My daughter makes the cut off by 1 day! I’m going to send her on time instead of holding her back. She’s been a leader in her preschool classes so that makes me worry less about her getting lost in the shuffle as the youngest kid. Also, this creates a two year school gap between her and her older sister, instead of a three year gap, if I held her back. I think I prefer the two year gap.

This topic touches a nerve for me big time. My son is early August and I’ve gotten the “you can keep him back” conversation since he was literally a little baby. I feel like unless there is an obvious reason when school starts to wait then we should keep kids on schedule. The reasons are all pretty weak in my opinion. My son is small so people think to wait. Well, he will still be small in a year but just a year older. Maturity, steams me too. Shouldn’t the expected maturity level be an average of boys and girls and thus boys aren’t less mature on average.
If it is a choice then I guess my biggest argument for starting on time is that I don’t want an adult for his entire senior year of high school. If we think 5 year olds make bad choices 18 year olds can test their independence in more permanent ways than five year olds.

The bottom line for me is that we make red shirting decisions rather than starting them in K and seeing how it goes and evaluating. Seems backwards.

@MRS. PEAS: When is the cut-off in your state?

I have a late August birthday baby boy but the cut-off here (NYC) is in December. If we move home to NC though before he’s in kindergarten, it will be an even bigger decision b/c the cut-off there is August 31st–my little guy would literally be the youngest kid in the class!

It’s really too early for us to be thinking about one way or the other yet but I had wondered about it so I’m glad to see you wrote about this and I’m eager to read others’ opinions.

Interesting! I thought this was only an issue for fall birthdays. Our state (VA) is on a September 30th cutoff, so my June 1st kid is going in 2018, she’ll be a few months past 5. She’s the tiniest kid in her pre-K class right now and probably will stay that way but as long as she seems developmentally ready, she’ll be going!

@Amber, my brother was put into the wrong grade after we moved to the US from another country, and he was 18 through his entire senior year. He hated it for many reasons. Your post is spot on!

Our districts cut off is Sept 1 and both our children have fall birthdays.l, so they will be on the older end of their classes but I prefer that. I was an end of July birthday and one of the younger ones in my grade. I didn’t like being the last to do everything, and am glad the decision is pretty much made for us. That said, there will always be some who are older and some who are younger. I haven’t seen any research that says one is better than the other. I think it truly depends on the child.

Our cutoff is Sept 1 and I get asked what I’m going to do about my May birthday infant. My usual response is “He’s three months old so I think we’ll wait and see.” His older sister is a September baby and we would have the option to test her in early, which we won’t do. Because of their birthdays and holding back/pushing forward, they could be anywhere from 2 to 4 grades apart. I think we’ll keep them in their assigned grades and they’ll be 2 years apart.

DS is a July baby, and while we still have another year before he starts school, I currently don’t have plans on red shirting him. He’ll be one of the youngest, but I’m hoping that’ll help drive his behavior and learning desire. He always gravitated towards older kids anyhow.

interesting question! i am still a ways out from having personal experience with this for my baby, but do recall being very impacted by a series of articles that came out indicating that kids who were the oldest in their grades wound up being over-selected to excel in sports because grown-ups equated their size/age with greater skill. e.g., http://www.bbc.com/sport/olympics/18891749. defer to those with more personal experience but it has definitely made me think whether it’s better to be among the older in the class, because i would bet similar biases are at play in more than just sports.

Thanks for posting this! I have no advice, but it is something we’ve thought about for our two. Our oldest has an August birthday, but (at least right now) is considered by his daycare/preschool to be high achieving so if that continues there may not be a “reason” to hold him back. I personally have no problem if he’s the youngest, smallest or not high achieving because these gaps tend to become smaller over time. However, our youngest has a January birthday, and the thought of having them only one grade apart is very appealing to me.

I suggest reading the Stanford study on this very subject. The results specifically for boys are shocking and has made me seriously consider “red shirting” my May birthday son. I also trust his preschool teachers and want thier opinion before making a final decision. Instead of reading all of these opinions go read the research!

We’ve been going through this thought process as well. My DS just turned 4 last week. Our school district starts in early August so he would be 4 for about a month, but the cut off isn’t until 9/30. We are pretty sure we will hold him back at this point unless something drastically changes. In speaking with other Moms of boys and several teachers although he may be ready now it might be an issue come middle school and then it is a much harder decision to hold them back. It will make him and his brother only a year apart in school, but hopefully it is for the best. He is on the smaller side and this is definitely something that is factoring into our decision. Not so much for sports, but more for the confidence. The only other downside is that I was hoping to get him into the public pre-K program next year, but since he will be 5 before 9/30 he isn’t eligible so he will stay at this daycare pre-K. I also have a late August birthday and started at 4 and did fine. My brother had a late September birthday and started at 4 and my mom wishes she had held him back.

My son has a November birthday (3 this November), and our state has a December cut-off. We intend to send him at the normal time, unless there is a very compelling reason to do otherwise. My big fear is that other children will be held back, making my son the youngest by a LOT.

If we felt really concerned, we might have him do his kindergarten year at his Montessori school (that he currently attends for daycare) and start public school in the first grade. But that would cost $10,000-15,000, so it’s not a decision we would make very lightly.

My birthday is in November and my siblings were born in September. We all started on time, making us among the youngest in our grades. I think it might have made some social things tough for us (although I certainly wasn’t conscious of this as a kid), but I think it also kept us on our toes academically. (And we all ended up doing very well academically and professionally.)

Thanks for posting this. We are in the exact same boat. Our son has a late June birthday. He just turned three and would be in kindergarten in two years. He would graduate at 17 and would be with kids almost a year older than him. He’s smart and big for his age, so we are pretty sure we won’t hold him back; however our doc did mention that research has shown boys with late birthdays tend to get diagnosed with ADHD at a significantly higher rate. We haven’t discussed it in any more detail but that does bother me. I need to read up on it more.

Our cut off is Dec 1 which M misses by less than 2 weeks. So she’s one of the oldest in her class instead of the youngest. I think it will be better for her long term and I don’t personally think she’d be totally ready for kindergarten next year anyway. I do think there should be a universal cut off though, seems like a huge range all over the country.

@looch: As a teacher, from what I see, there are two main reasons for not holding students back:

1) It is rare to find a child that is an entire grade level behind in every subject. In kinder & 1st, there’s always the hope that they’ll catch up and adjust, which can sometimes happen. Also, they might struggle in ELA, but be successful in math, or vice versa…. in neither situation would retention be an optimal solution.

2) In the upper grades, research shows that retention does not improve academic achievement, and can actually lead to worse social, emotional, and academic outcomes because the student is more likely to give up on themselves and label themselves as a failure.

I don’t know what budget would have to do with it. In fact, to have students in school for 13 years (with retention) would result in more money for the schools, since our state funding is per student. Where I’m from, if there were too many students in a grade, they’d hire a new teacher or do a split class (K/1, 1/2, 2/3, etc…. a blend of grades.)

@DesertDreams88: the budget comes into play in the number of years they would be paying for, 14 years instead of 13. Given the shortage of space and the restrictions on the budget, there just isn’t room to add another class or hire more teachers in the district where I live.

Additionally, I meant specifically regarding kindergarten, it’s not possible in all districts to just put them in and then decide if they need another year. I should have been more clear, I wasn’t referring to upper grades. Additionally I don’t think it’s really academics that are the issue, it is the social and emotional development. I am just glad that families can choose in the state where I reside!

I think it also affects performance ratings of the school and teachers, but I am not 100% sure about that.

I have never understood why so many people are concerned about their children being small. I was small. I was still small the next year. I am still small now. It has not negatively impacted my life at all, and I started first grade at 5 years old, so I was the youngest throughout my school years.

My daughter has a September birthday just past the cutoff, so we petitioned to have her tested in. She’s just started kindergarten at 4, and she’s doing really well so far. I think that you’ll just have to see how your child does, but I personally think that redshirting is nuts. If your kid clearly needs the extra year to mature, by all means. But just because they’re a boy? Or a little bit small? That strikes me as just bizarre, honestly.

@sarac: I tend to agree (which is why right now I’m planning to start my son on time), but I can see the other side too. It’s a harder decision to make when the norm (in some places) has become for parents to hold their summer babies, especially their boys, back a year. We have a friend with a son exactly 1 year old than ours. Neither boy has any developmental delays at this point, and they are both above average in physical size. If she holds her son back (and lots of people are pressuring her to do so) and I start my son on time, they’ll be in the exact same grade yet her son will be a full year older than mine. That’s a big difference in maturity not just size.

@Mrs. Dolphin: I liked the idea of my boys being 1 grade apart too (early-July birthday for my oldest and mid-April birthday for my youngest). I’ve had a few people advise against that though, concerned mostly about tension if the younger one is ahead of the older one in a certain subject. That makes sense, but I was often 2-3 grades ahead in some subjects (and my whiz younger sister even more) so I don’t think you can avoid all those problems. From a social side I like the idea of them being close :).

I don’t think there is a clear cut answer, so it is good for parents to go with their gut and do what they think is best for their kid within a month or two of the cutoff.

It is very common where I grew up (in a rural area) – to keep boys back a year, so they are bigger/more developed for sports… My brother has a May birthday, and had boys over a year older than him in his class! I don’t support doing that, but, haven’t seen it mentioned here yet… We live in the suburbs of Chicago now, and parents mention it here all the time as well. Still surprises me!

They are pretty strict with the cutoffs here and I’m glad. It just seems that it would be best for the kids and the teachers if everyone is within a year in age. The expectations should fit the target age and I hope that will be our experience once DS starts school because he will be one of the youngest. But once it starts I can understand how it would become a cycle of pressure.

My two boys are June 30th and May 31st and I really didn’t think about holding the older one back until about October when he was actually in Kindergarten and then it was just too late. (Cut off in our district is they must be 5 by August 31st, school starts the Wednesday after Labor Day). My older one is certainly the smallest because he is one of the youngest but also likely due to being born at 35 weeks and not necessarily having the greatest nutrition the first 17 months before we brought him home via international adoption. He also had some social/emotional development lag that wasn’t as obvious in pre-K but became evident after that first month of kindergarten. (His family age was younger than that of his chronological age which can be an issue for internationally adopted children. His family age is 17 months YOUNGER than his chronological age so chronologically he was 5 years, family age was 3.5 years and puts his family age equal to chronological age of his younger brother. There is a lot of social/emotional development that happens in that 17 months between 3.5 and 5 years.) By the end of the year he was getting caught up on the emotional/self-regulation to be on par with the “norms” that the teacher was looking for, but I know that she and the aid did help him a lot to get there. He had no issues with the educational development and in that segment he was always within or above the “norms” the teacher was looking for. He is still playing catch up in some aspects but it is becoming easier to deal with the issues and we have a better handle on how to help him as well.

Our younger one is a very different child in terms of temperament but also because he was born only a few days before my due date and I know his nutrition was fine. He is usually on par with the older one in terms of emotional development, so I think when he turns five he will not have that same issue with kindergarten. I really don’t have much hesitation sending him in on time, other than his short stature but that is just genetics and he is used to being the smallest in his preschool and now pre-K class.

Crumb has a end of July birthday so we are thinking about this too. It’s amazing how many people feel strongly one way or the other. My instinct right now is to not hold him back. He’ll be five by the cut off. And I worry if he’s the oldest he’ll be bored potentially starting kindergarten so late.

I thought I was pushing it considering holding my October 31st daughter back, with the NY cutoff being December first. Every teacher I know has encouraged me to send her on time. My sister, with a November 19th birthday, started school at 4 and graduated college early. A family friend with a September birthday was red-shirted and decided to graduate high school a year early. I have a May 28th birthday and was right in the middle of my class age-wise, so was boggled when my nephew with a May 13th birthday was the youngest in his St. Louis class.

Is there a reason why the cutoff in some states is so early? I’d be interested to learn more about the academic outcomes in early vs. late cutoff states. Anecdotally, states with better academic track records seem to have more mid to late cutoffs. And redshirting is of course a privilege not everyone can afford–public school is free, childcare is not.

Thankfully I don’t have to worry bc both my kids are in the middle of the year. However, my little bro actually skipped a grade growing up. We went to a private school where PreK and kinder were the lower schools and 1st started elementary. pick up time was different and my mom didn’t want to come twice. and so he technically skipped kinder and came into 1st with me.
He was a year younger than everyone and although academically he excelled, he had a lot of trouble socially. He was also the smallest so last to get picked, Made fun of because of size, etc. This only happened after we reached middle school bc middle school is tough on any kid. And in turn, he became even more withdrawn and shy. He was the last to drive, had to get special permission bc he was under 18 for senior stuff, etc etc.
He turned out fine but he will tell you that he struggled a lot emotionally throughout school.

Where I am you have to be 5 on March 1 to register for kinder in September that year. So DS being a March baby will be 5.5 when he starts and one of the oldest. There is no way I’d hold him back.

Where I grew up it went by calendar year and with an April birthday I was usually one of the oldest.

Here it is the norm to start your kid when they are supposed to. I’ve never really heard of anyone holding them back a year for age/size or anything like that.

@sarac: I agree, just to hold a child back because of size or sex is a weak argument. For us, it was needing to be emotionally and socially ready. When I think of my son at 4.5 years and now at 5.5 years, the difference is vast. I know it’s not the same for all kids, but for us, what a difference a year has made.

@desertdreams88 where can I find the research you are referring to? Thanks!

Our son had a mid-August birthday and would have been one of the youngest in his class (Sep 1 cut-off). We decided to wait a year to send him, and it was the best decision for him and our family. It really depends on the kid – how ready they are academically, emotionally, socially. Our son was very timid, and also very small for his age, so the biggest benefit in waiting was his level of confidence. He had a great year in Kindergarten, and just started 1st grade today! He is still the smallest in his class, but he’s not the oldest – there are several other summer birthdays that waited the extra year as well. I’m also happy that we’ll have him home an extra year, and that he and his sister will only be 2 years apart in school instead of 3. They are looking forward to having more overlap of being in the same schools.

I am an August baby and was the youngest. It never really bothered me, and I always excelled at school (class valedictorian even). I was more than ready to enter K at barely age 5. My brother is a July baby, and also wasn’t held back. We were both pretty small, and I still am, but whatever. You’ll get picked on just as much for being the biggest kid in middle school too.

I then took a gap year, and was the oldest when I went to college. Having done both, I think older was harder. I was WAY more mature than the other college kids, and I felt really out of it for the first year or so. I don’t think you should ever use a birth date as the deciding factor, or size, but if a kid isn’t socially ready, it might be good to wait. Listen to your teachers in pre-K and Kinder, they are less emotionally attached, and work with a lot more kids, so what may seem like a HUGE thing to you, isn’t so big for them.

@sarac The size aspect comes into play mostly with boys and sports– I’m not advocating for it, just stating a valid thought parents can have. I hate judging anyone for a personal decision that impacts their child. Competitive sports are important to some families so it’s a consideration– one year can make a big difference in development.

After I read this (http://www.inquisitr.com/2512234/delayed-kindergarten-enrollment-reduces-adhd-in-children/), I became 90% certain I would hold back my son. He has a July birthday, and I’ve given it some thought since he was young. We had a rough start in his first year of preschool, with lots of behavior issues. He just wasn’t as socially mature as some of the other kids, plus he was one of the smallest, but size has nothing to do with my decision. He has made HUGE improvements over the course of the year, and now he is entering Pre-K, but I’m still fairly sure I’ll hold him back. I’m one of those parents that believes play is the most important learning in childhood, and I haven’t pushed any academics. I also think this is giving him one extra year to play before the pressures of school, having to sit still and at a desk and homework start to kick in. I do recognize this is a luxury for me to be able to hold him back for another year and pay for an additional year of preschool. I will do the same for my 2 year old girl who has a late August birthday as well.

I struggle with the opposite of this a lot – do I want to send DS to kindergarten early? He has a November birthday and the cutoff is 9/1. The problem is that right now he’s in a preschool classroom at daycare and next year he’ll be in the pre-k class, then because he misses the cut off he’ll have to repeat pre-k while everyone else start kindergarten.

I could choose to send him to private k instead of repeating pre-k and then he could go right to first grade. But I struggle with not wanting him to be bored by repeating a year, and also wanting him to have an extra year to have more play based learning. On top of that our daycare doesn’t offer kindergarten, so he’d have to go to a new and ar sang school for just one year.