Hellobee

When Mr. P and I were working with our mediator to create the open donation agreement between us and our donors, it was hard to imagine what our relationship with them would be like. As advised by our mediator, we agreed on the bare minimum communication that we were comfortable with, which is twice yearly updates via email. Since we began speaking with each other directly instead of through the mediator, our relationship has really grown.

Baby P has also grown.

In the beginning I would email updates about my pregnancy and include the most recent ultrasound photo. One day Baby P’s genetic mother asked if I would like to be friends on social media. After some thought, I agreed. Then we exchanged phone numbers and began texting. After Baby P was born I started texting her photos every couple of weeks. We’ve spoken on the phone and have talked about Skyping in the future. I think we’ll start doing that once Baby P is a little more interactive. We exchanged addresses and sent each other Christmas cards. Who knows, we may even meet in person one day. Our donors have emphasized many times that we can ask them anything, which I think will be important as Baby P grows and has questions about where she came from. I knew we were signing up for an open relationship, but I never imagined it would be this open or that I would be completely ok with it. We all have the same goal: doing the best we can for Baby P.

Our donors have told us many times that they appreciate being able to watch Baby P grow through our frequent communication. Mr. P and I want our donors to know how much we appreciate them because without them there would be no Baby P. I truly believe that being a donor is way more difficult than being a recipient. They give part of themselves to strangers, a part of them that they very much wanted. I can’t imagine how hard that must be. That’s why Mr. P and I wanted to give them something to show our thanks. Figuring out how to say “thank you for giving us your genetic material” wasn’t an easy task, but Mr. P found something that we thought was perfect.

Mr. P has a coworker who lost her mother many years ago. She wears a necklace that has her mother’s thumbprint on a charm. She told him when she feels upset she touches the charm and it brings her comfort. He found that you can also have handprints and footprints stamped on different items. We thought that giving them a little piece of Baby P would be nice, so that’s what we decided to do. We used the footprints they gave us in the hospital. When Baby P was a couple weeks old we got her handprints. It was difficult and messy, but we managed.

When Baby P was born and we sent the first photos to our donors, her genetic mother said that it looked like Baby P had her long fingers. For her we had a necklace made. On one side of the charm is Baby P’s handprint and on the other her name and date of birth is engraved.

A necklace for Baby P’s genetic mother.

Baby P’s genetic mother also told us that it looked like she had her husband’s feet. Mr. P and I didn’t know if he is the type of guy who wears jewelry, so instead of a necklace we got him a keychain. On one side is Baby P’s footprint and her name and date of birth is engraved on the other.

A keychain for Baby P’s genetic father.

Mr. P and I wanted to give our donors a little piece of Baby P that they could carry around with them if they wanted to. We mailed them off last week and our donors loved them! I doubt we will ever be able to fully express our gratitude to our donors. Not only are we thankful that they gave us their embryos, but we are also thankful that they are so willing to communicate with us and make sure Baby P knows she was and is loved and wanted. She is a lucky girl to have so many people in her life that care for her. I’m sure our relationship will continue to grow as we navigate this experience together.