I recently wrote about the experience I had with Little Bug and group B strep. I got a few responses asking why my doctors/ midwives let me labor at home so long, knowing that I was group B positive, and it really got me thinking about the care I received during both of my pregnancies.
For my first pregnancy, I met with a private care midwife. I had watched The Business of Being Born multiple times and I was fully convinced that I wanted an un-medicated home birth, and there was a woman who came highly recommended in my town. As soon as I had the positive pregnancy test, I contacted her and got an appointment. I met with her twice, then I experienced spotting and ended up back at my regular OB’s office after no response from the midwife. I am glad that I made that decision and I was able to have a d&c quickly after learning that the baby had died. The doctor I saw that delivered the bad news actually hugged me on her way out of the office. I felt like she really cared about me and the baby. With the encouragement of my loss group, I wrote the midwife a letter telling her how hurt I was that no one called me back when I left a message saying that I had experienced a miscarriage. She wrote me back, apologizing, but there was no way I could see her again.
With my second pregnancy, I decided to go with the OB’s office right from the start. I was encouraged to come in early to check for a heartbeat. I felt like they cared about me and I was happy with the choice to go with this practice. That feeling faded at 20 weeks when I was told that we had two complications. I feel like the care really shifted at that point, and I started getting the feeling like they thought I was over worried and therefore crazy. I remember feeling like I needed to apologize for being worried, and thinking of it now, that makes me really furious.
When it came time to deliver, the atmosphere was scary and although I was pretty confident in my midwife, I definitely felt like I was being talked into some things I wouldn’t have agreed to if I hadn’t been so scared. I will never complain about my birth experience, because I still feel like I lucked out big time and I have nothing but positive memories of that. Overall, the care I received was pretty ok, but not great. I don’t think that my midwives were in contact enough with my maternal fetal specialist and that resulted in the abrupt decision to induce at 39 weeks. I still think that if they had just talked with him after our final ok to deliver in the hospital in my town rather than with him, I wouldn’t gone into what I thought was a regular appointment, only to be induced an hour later. I’m not sure how I feel about this.
With my third pregnancy, I was hell bent on not going to the large OB practice and instead did research to find a smaller practice within my hospital, and I found one. But again, I had some complications early on and I ended up going to see a specific doctor within my regular OB’s office to confirm that they baby was ok. As a result, I decided to stay with the office and I vowed to be more vocal about my needs. I knew what I needed to make it through the pregnancy, but in the back of my mind, I always pictured them being kind of annoyed by me. I am fairly certain that this is not the case, but it’s just the feeling I got at the office.
I had two midwives and two doctors at the practice who were actually really lovely. They listened to me, they were supportive and they allowed me to lose my mind on more than one occasion. However, they often forgot to call me with results, or to follow up with me in regards to appointment questions. I ended up back at the maternal fetal specialist again and there was again a lack of communication between the two offices. I tested positive for strep B again and even with this information, I was told to labor at home for longer than I probably should have. I really can’t decide how I feel about this either because it didn’t negatively impact the birth or the baby, but it really could have.
In all honesty, I felt like I was ignored for a lot of my fears. I was always a little confused as to why these ladies would have gone into this field if they couldn’t be understanding and compassionate about how I was feeling during pregnancy. It was just very confusing to me. I feel like the care I got with the specialists I saw (the MF and the diabetes educator) was outstanding. I cannot say enough good things about both of those offices. And maybe I am being a baby about this, but I just don’t feel great about my overall experience with my OB office. If I were to get pregnant again, I am not sure if I would choose to go with them again.
I guess my point of all of this is that I think people providing care for pregnant women should be compassionate and should understand that it is an extremely stressful and sometimes scary time. I realize that not all pregnant women are terrified, but for those of us that are, it would be so refreshing to have someone listen to our concerns, even if they are a little crazy. I also think that some time should be taken in each appointment to really find out how the patient is feeling. This might make it easier for ladies who are experiencing depression or anxiety during pregnancy to get the help they needed. And that might mean that less women end up with PPD or PPA. If nothing else, if the patient is confident in their care team and feel like they are understanding and and supportive, they might be more apt to seek help during the postpartum period.
Did you have a positive care experience? Was your care team compassionate and understanding?
cherry / 237 posts
With both of my pregnancies, I went the same route at a local freestanding birth center. I met with various midwives in the practice before 12-16wks and after 34-36wks, but in between I was part of a group prenatal program called Centering. Centering met once a month, then every other week in the 3rd trimester, for two hours. Our groups were between 7-10 families, with a group facilitator and a midwife also attending 10 sessions. Hands down, Centering was the best decision I made for each pregnancy!! We had 15mins (at least) alone with the midwife each session, we monitored our own weight and blood pressure, and our sessions covered prenatal issues, labor and delivery, postpartum care for mother and child, breastfeeding, and whatever questions we had. It was a chance to focus on my pregnancies, to learn & relearn the relevant info, and to bond with women who were going through the exact same phases. After the babies were born, those of us who were able continued to meet regularly. If you can find a centering program, through an OB or a midwife, I HIGHLY recommend checking it out.
guest
I was at a 6 Doctor ob group with my first and mostly I felt that they were bored with my standard pregnancy and first timer worries. One was particularly unsportive. He told me I had a big baby and would likely need a c section but would I like to be inducted today while he was on call. No thanks. We moved and my next was with a midwife group and was so different. I felt listened to and followed up with. Everywhere they had control of. My third and most of my fourth with a home birth group that is even more comfortable and takes the time to chat and has great follow up by email in the chart messaging. I had a misscarriage with them too and they were great at being calm, giving me the information I needed, and being super availible/following up.
coffee bean / 46 posts
I skipped the mid-wife and OB route completely and went straight to MFM docs. I’m super AMA and have high-blood pressure. I’m so happy with my decision. Because they work with woman who are all high-risk and either have had losses or high chance of having losses, they are so compassionate.
One time I was super worried and ‘tried to be brave and strong’ at home, but finally caved and went in. They checked and baby was fine. I burst into tears and they told me I never had to ‘try and be brave and strong’, just come in. It was so reassuring to know I could be a scared, neurotic Mom and they would support me.
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
You know, I think this is common with all doctors, not just OBs. It’s surprising that you have to be so aggressive advocating for yourself, to get test results, to make sure that you understand. You really have to takd charge of your own health (including pregnancy). On the one hand that is good, because no one is going to care about our health more than ourselves. On the other hand it’s hard to speak up because I feel like the doctors know all and are too important to be bothered.
guest
I had a traditional large OB practice attached to a hospital. I had a very positive experience both with my prenatal care and delivery. The hospital which I was lucky to live 3 minutes away from (and where my husband works) is the top rated hospital to deliver in our area with very high patient satisfaction. I felt they respected my wishes and didn’t push anything. They let me push for 2 hours with no intervention. We had an hour of mother baby skin to skin time after delivery, I got even got nitrous to help with pain which was great! They really promoted breastfeeding well. I of course did not get to have my OB actually deliver my baby, which is typical for a large practice.