Hellobee

I’m often buzzing with nervous energy. Sometimes I think my constant nervousness could shave years off of my life. But the weirdest part is that I don’t really feel stressed, anxious, or scared. I live a relatively calm and peaceful life, so what’s the deal? I now understand that as a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), I’m often overstimulated, especially in my role as a parent.

Everyone has their ideal level of stimulation- that sweet spot between boredom and over-arousal. For example, I love blogging in coffee shops. I’m in one right now. I have my green tea for just the right amount of pep. I’m at my usual table enjoying the background noise – lattes frothing, quiet chatter, gentle music. It’s just enough action to keep me alert, and I am getting so much done. However, if I drink too much caffeine (HSPs typically don’t tolerate caffeine well), the music is blaring, and the patrons are being really rowdy, there is too much going on around and within me. I get flustered and stop working. I have surpassed my sweet spot.

What happens when someone is overstimulated? Think fight or flight: their heart might pound, muscles tense up, stomach feels unsettled, body perspires, thinking is impaired, cheeks blush, hands shake, vocal chords tighten. These physical reactions feel a lot like fear, stress and anxiety, but that’s not always the case.

For many HSPs, the mere act of processing the world around us can cause us to feel over-aroused [source]. Basically, just existing and being who we are is exhausting. Why is this? One of the marks of sensory processing sensitivity is a keen awareness of the environment. HSPs are always unconsciously scanning the environment to pick up on subtleties, both physical (sights, sounds, smells) and social (others’ moods, emotions, etc.) . On top of that, HSPs mull over that information in great detail. It’s hard for us to let things go.

I can relate to my 9 month old who just wants to hide or sleep when he is overwhelmed. Babies are constantly bombarded with novel stimuli. Every color, texture, sound, and smell is brand new! Plus they don’t yet have the ability to filter out unimportant information. No wonder they need sleep half the day to recharge. Sometimes I wish I could, too.

As a mom, I’m easily pushed out of my sweet spot. The house is never as calm, quiet, or predictable as I’d like. There is a cacophony of sounds – barking dogs, crying baby, whining toddler. I’m often doing too many things at once. My eyes are always scanning for kid clutter – pile of bibs here, puzzle pieces there.

Going out into the world with kids can also be difficult. In my home, at least I have some control over the stimulation level, but when I’m outside, I’m at the mercy of my surroundings. I’m also at the mercy of my kids’ moods, diaper blowouts, and tantrums. Too many errands in a row, or a trip to one of those super bright and loud indoor playgrounds will wipe me out for the rest of the day. There is nothing to fear, no danger around, but I can feel my fight or flight response kicking in. I come home sore, tense, and exhausted, swearing that tomorrow we will just chill at home.

How does one cope with all this overstimulation that comes with parenthood? Pep talks. Mantras if you will. Lots of them. Here are some things I tell myself to get through those frazzled moments.

1. “You are not in danger, you are just overstimulated. It will pass.” Remember, over-arousal isn’t the same as stress or fear, even though it feels the same.
2. “You experience the world differently.” So don’t compare yourself to other parents who make this parenting thing look so darn easy.
3. “Hey body, just pretend to be chill.” Loosen the shoulders, breathe deeply, stretch the neck, stand tall. Sometimes, if we relax our bodies, our minds will follow.
4. “You are stronger and more capable than you think.” Sensitivity is often looked down upon or mislabeled as shy, neurotic, weak, and melodramatic. HSPs often suffer from low self-esteem because we internalize those labels and assume we can’t handle as much. This is not true. In fact, our sensitivity makes us even more awesome and competent in lots of ways.
5. “You have permission to rest.” We need to carve out quiet time to recharge. It’s a necessity. For me, I journal, craft, and read fiction every single day. I keep our schedule light and flexible so our pace of life can be a little slower. We don’t pack our weeks to the brim with playdates, appointments, classes, and outings. A sparse calendar has been good for all of us.
6. “Go outside.” Nature can be very healing for HSPs. I’m blessed to have a beautiful little garden that my kids and I spend much of the day in. I choose nature outings (beach, park, nature centers) over crazy indoor play places if I can.

Any other overstimulated parents out there? How do you cope?

photo by Whitby B. Photography