Hellobee

Although I’m less nervous about caring for a newborn this time around, I’m still finding plenty of opportunities for anxiety. One of my major concerns is making sure the Trikester adjusts to the new baby. I want the transition to go as smoothly as possible — I don’t want him to feel resentment or sadness because of the new arrival – the thought of either hurts my Mama heart.

The Trikester isn’t the most verbal kid around, so although I know he comprehends a lot, lot more than I give him credit for, his expressive language doesn’t do much to reassure me that he understands the change that’s in store for our family. Despite that, we keep trying. Here’s what we’ve done to help smooth the transition:

– We talk about the new baby endlessly. For the last three of four months, we work the Trikester’s new brother into almost every conversation. When we’re in the car, we’ll say things like, “When the baby gets here, he’ll sit next to you in the back seat. Will you hold his hand if he crys?” Or if we’re cuddling on the couch, we might say something like, “Where will the baby sit when he gets here? Will you share Mommy’s lap?”  The new baby gets a lot of air time! If only I was sure of the Trikester’s comprehension…

– We pulled out all the baby gear a few months before my due date. The Trikester loves to explore new things, especially if it’s something he can climb. This time was not an exception; he loved curling up in the bouncer or squeezing himself into the cradle, though we convinced him the swing was for stuffed animals only. Although I hate seeing the Rock n’ Play, bouncer, and swing clutter up our living space before they’re actually needed, getting them out ahead of time was a really smart decision as he’s finally become desensitized to their presence, and will hopefully leave them alone once they’re actually filled with a new brother.

The Trikester clearly exceeds the weight limit on all this newborn gear. He doesn’t seem to mind. 

– We play with the Sprout Pregnancy app weekly. The app is great because it has an interactive 3D view of the baby. The Trikester has fun rotating the baby image, and he’ll search around and look for the baby’s toes, ears, eyes, belly, etc. We talk about how this is what the baby in Mommy’s belly looks like.

– Mr. Tricycle took over some of the bedtime routine. Finding time to nourish two kids simultaneously has me super nervous, so even though I’ve always done the majority of the Trikester’s bedtime routine, and I enjoy our time together, I’ve handed the reins over to Mr. Tricycle. I didn’t want the Trikester to associate the change in routine with the arrival of the new baby, so we started it a couple months before my due date. Dad is responsible for brushing teeth (he’s way more successful than I ever was in this arena), sitting through a marathon potty session, and getting him into and out of the bath tub. At this point, I usually show up, and together we wrangle him into his diaper, PJs, and sleep sack. Dad says goodnight, and I spend ten minutes or so reading and signing before it’s time for lights out. There are nights when I still do the whole routine, but now the Trikester knows that it’s “normal” for Daddy to also play a role.

– The Trikester gets to vote on a name (though Mommy and Daddy get a bigger vote). As a joke, we started calling the baby Luigi as soon as we found out we were having another boy, so for a long time the Trikester referred to him as “Weegee.” Now, if you ask him, he wants to name the baby Bruce. We will not be naming the baby Bruce, so we keep encouraging him to pick from one of the two names we are considering.

– Decorating the nursery is a family affair. The Trikester has spent lots of time hanging out in the nursery, and he knows this is where the new baby will sleep. When we’ve spent time putting up shelves or installing a new ceiling fan, he sits in the baby’s new crib and plays on the iPad. We make it a point to reinforce that this crib is for the NEW baby. We also let him pick out a toy every night to take up to the baby’s room. Sometimes he wants to share a small stuffed animal, other times it’s a three foot tall ball run. Either way, we indulge him, and hope this exercise encourages future sharing.

– We practice his “gentle touch.” Like most toddlers, the Trikester can be a little rough – he’s very loving, but he sometimes doesn’t realize how aggressive his actions are. Mr. Tricycle and the Trikester have a nightly routine that involves practicing gentle touches and gentle kisses, and how to show the baby that we love him without giving him a boo-boo. Although he has to be reminded to use a gentle touch, he definitely knows what we mean when we use this lingo.

– We expose him to newborns and little babies. The Trikester and I look at my Instagram and Facebook feed together, and we talk about the photos of new babies. We discuss how little the new babies are, how fragile they look, and how loud they might cry. When we’re looking at the newborns, we talk about how our new baby will be a lot like this – he won’t be much fun to start with. My brother and SIL have a six month old, so this is has been another great point of exposure, as we’ve talked a lot about how we’re going to have a baby like their baby. He doesn’t love to see my nephew on my lap, or at least wants a leg of his own, too, so we’ll see how that plays out in real life.

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We won’t know for a while yet if any of our pre-baby prep has paid off, but I’m crossing my fingers and hoping that he’s not totally shocked when his new brother comes through the front door!

Any other advice? What did you do to help prepare your children for the arrival of a new sibling?