Hellobee

This post is inspired by Mrs. Blue’s recent post about WOHM life, as well as a valuable question she asked a few months ago on the Hellobee boards: What line items are increased or decreased as a result of having one parent at home full-time?  I have read a lot of articles and blog posts discussing the emotional and intellectual struggles that parents go through when making this decision, but I have seen fewer that approach it from a cost and value perspective.  So I thought I would weigh in on how it works in our family!  Since exact figures are sometimes hard to come by, I decided to categorize them into discrete and intangible costs and benefits.

I should say before I get started that every family approaching this decision will have a different list of costs and benefits.  Writing this blog post helped me to remember the complex and personal circumstances that led us to make our decision, and reminded me that there truly is no right answer for everyone!

Discrete Costs:

Insurance:  My husband’s work insurance is available for dependents, but they do not cover any of the cost.  So Scribble and I are on a very expensive private plan!

Utilities:  We have a dog, so we would keep the A/C or heat on all day regardless.  I try to keep our use of lights down to a minimum.  However, it feels like we run the dishwasher, washer, and dryer all day long!  I could easily run the dishwasher three times daily, but instead I try not to, and the dishes pile up!

Intangible Costs:

Potential Earnings and Savings:  I put this in the “intangible” category because there’s no way to know how much this amounts to over the course of many years, but still….this is a big number, and a serious drawback to being a stay-at-home -parent. I don’t mind missing out on the salary, because we are accustomed to living on only one paycheck (prior to our current life, my husband was in school and I was the sole breadwinner, so we’ve essentially swapped roles).  But I cringe to imagine all the retirement savings we are missing out on, plus I hate that I am not contributing to my Social Security credits.

We are certainly swapping wealth and comfort when we are older for a low stress level currently, but I try to remind myself that prioritizing happiness later for more stress now is possibly a wash, since there are no guarantees in life.  If anything, I am hoping that living within very limited means now will make it easier for us to live on a fixed income when we are older.

Not saving becomes a real struggle when it comes to funding Scribble’s college education.  Between our rainy day fund, saving up for home maintenance, and saving up for future children, it is difficult to find more.  Hopefully when our family is complete, we can start aggressively tackling this.

Extras:  Because I stay at home, we really don’t have the money for a comfortable “extras” budget: sports club or gym memberships, beauty treatments, cable TV, etc.  Of course these aren’t really “costs,” but instead just the benefits we have been forced to shed because I stay at home.

T A N G I B L E  B E N E F I T S  :

Clothes:  We spend very little on Scribble’s clothes.  We live in the south, where it is tolerably warm 7 months out of the year, intolerably hot for 4 months, and cold for about three weeks! In the spring, summer, and early fall, Scribble wore a diaper or a short sleeve onesie.  I have time to do his laundry frequently.  We spend the majority of our time around our home, so he really only needed 1 pair of shoes this winter, and none in the summer.  I know as he gets older he will need a wider variety of clothes, but for now this isn’t a significant cost for us.

I also have the time to wash and iron my husband’s work clothes, which saves us the expense of dry cleaning. Finally, since I am at home most days, I rarely shop for clothes for myself.

Childcare: Certainly we have eliminated this cost!  But we do spend a little money on classes like Kindermusik, and my yearly MOPS dues.

Diapers: I am able to cloth diaper a majority of the time. We got our diapers for free (borrowed from a friend), so every time we use them instead of a disposable, we save money!

Breastmilk:  I do not doubt that I would have lacked the dedication to nurse exclusively for a year if I had to pump at work! Pumping mothers inspire me!  As a SAHM, I was able to prioritize breastfeeding, eliminate the cost of formula, and save on a pump and bottles.

Food: We do save on food, because I now have the time to look for sales, and prepare food that I usually would buy premade.  My husband comes home for lunch, which minimizes food waste and the cost of takeout lunch.

Incidentals: One thing that takes up a lot of my time is eking maximum value out of our purchases.  My “job” is to scour the thrift store, browse the clearance aisle, clean out closets to prepare for our next yard sale, and figure out how to make do with what we already have. Of course working parents do all this and more!  But judging from prior experience, I know if my husband and I were both working, our incidental expenses would be higher. I have no illusions that my small contributions to keeping our expenses low could replace the value of a second income, but I do think they add up! For example, in the past two months I’ve managed to recoup almost 800 dollars simply by putting items up for sale on Facebook and Ebay.

Commute: Minimizing the commute was central to our house search; DH’s commute is practically nonexistent.  On the other hand, as an instructor, I had to drive up to 45 minutes one way to teach a class. So even if I go out 2 or 3 times a week as an SAHM, we still save on gas in the long run.

I N T A N G I B L E  B E N E F I T S  :

Time is Money:  Many stay-at-home mothers get defensive when people ask them what they “do all day long.”  I’ve never been asked that question, but if I were, I would freely admit that I have a ton of down time. It is something I use to my advantage!  I consider myself the “go-to” person in my family. We don’t have to decide which parent can afford to spend less time at the office in a week filled with family obligations, or who can take a long lunch when Scribble has a doctor’s appointment.  Of course, working parents do all of this while also providing loving care to their children.  But I am sure that striking that balance can rob a working parent of their ability to focus on their job, so I am happy to help mitigate those stresses for my family.

Geographic Flexibility:  My husband got a fantastic job offer a few months before he graduated from school: a salaried position with wonderful people, sane hour requirements, in a town with a very affordable housing market.  The only catch?  It wasn’t in a place where I could easily obtain a job in my field.  Fortunately, I had been flirting with the idea of staying at home, so when this opportunity came up, we jumped on it!  If I had balked, we would have moved to the city and started applying for jobs in a grim market; instead, we were able to start a family on our own schedule, and purchase a house for half the cost of a smaller home in the city. My decision has been immeasurably valuable for my spouse’s career.  Being willing to live outside the metro area also means saying goodbye to the costs associated with city life, like more expensive education options and incidentals.  Over the years, those small-but-persistent costs add up!

Flexible Fertility:  Providing Scribble with a sibling is a priority for us, and being an SAHM gives me the flexibility to welcome another child into our family at any time (provided I am ready for the challenge!).  This assumes that we are blessed with another healthy pregnancy.  This is, of course, never a certainty.  If we were unable to conceive, we could not afford fertility care or adoption costs, so certainly I would have to go back to work to finance that. It may be difficult to view this as a “value-add” (to use some biz jargon), but the sooner we are done adding to our family, the sooner I can return to full-time, out-of-the-home work, so in that sense it is valuable!

So, parents, give me a cost analysis of your lifestyle! Did I miss any costs or benefits?