As moms in the 21st Century, we’re lucky to have a lot of choices about how we structure our lives.  Some of us choose to be stay-at-home moms and embrace it with all out hearts.  Some of us work outside the home and wouldn’t have it any other way.  Some of us manage to work at home and have kids in the home or with childcare.  And then some of us are in one of those slots, but maybe not because we really feel like we have a “choice,” but instead because we feel that’s what works best for our family, regardless of our own preferences.

Regardless of what camp you fall into, there are some great perks and some really sucky cons.  I’m going to share just a handful of my personal favorite and least favorite things about being a WOH mom.

A Few of My Favorite Things

1.  Adult conversation.  I get to talk to people every day who respond, generally even in coherent, complete sentences.  We talk about everything from work to family to sports to who got kicked of The Bachelor (totally looking at you, girl-who-mistakenly-thought-she-got-called-when-she-didn’t…Awkward Turtle Moment of the Year).  I missed this when I was on maternity leave.

2.  Pride in contributing to our family income.  This is not to say that if I were staying at home, I wouldn’t be adding financial value, but in our specific financial situation, I feel good about bringing home a paycheck.   A huge chunk of our money goes to a mortgage we not-so-fondly refer to as “Student Loans,” and I like knowing that paying them off isn’t all on Mr. Blue’s shoulders. Half of those loans are mine, and I think it would be a challenge for me to feel okay with not having an income when I could be helping to pay them off.

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3.  The ability to throw myself into a project uninterrupted and be intellectually challenged nearly every day.   When I’m at home, it’s hard to go 2 minutes without someone needing something Right. Now.  At work, I enjoy being able to focus on project, concentrate on one issue, and push myself mentally to figure out a tough question. There are certainly mental challenges in parenting, but solving those problems feel different than launching into researching and analyzing an issue at work.  I like the feeling of burying myself in the law and analyzing how the facts fit within the framework I’ve discovered.

4.  I have to shower & get dressed every day.  Look–let’s be realistic–I love me some sweatpants and t-shirts and hate blow drying my hair. If I were staying home, I would be sorely tempted to never get out of that uniform and have a wicked hair situation. During maternity leave, I remember irrationally being jealous that Mr. Blue got to shower every single day no matter what because he had to go to work.  I would always watch the boys so he could get ready in the morning.  Of course, had I just asked, he would have returned the favor for me in the evening, but I was still in my “just trying to get through today without crying and keep the Baby Dudes alive” phase, so looking and smelling good wasn’t exactly high on my list at that point.  Regardless of my dislike for blow drying my hair, I feel better about myself when I’m making at least minimal efforts to take care of myself and look presentable.  Work is a good excuse to make that happen in the first year of parenting!

5.  I get to eat one meal a day completely uninterrupted.  Well, at least, I usually do.  Being home with little people for a few months really makes you appreciate the simple things like eating a whole meal without ever having to see a poopy diaper.  Huge perk. :)  Also, Mr. Blue and I work in the same building, so we almost always get to eat lunch together, which gives us some time together away from the kiddos, even if it is leftovers eaten at my messy desk.

My Few of My Least Favorite Things

1.  Monday morning.  And sometimes Tuesday through Friday morning.  The beginning of the week is always tough for me. After a weekend of getting to be a hands-on-mommy all day long, I never feel good about having to leave them at daycare on Monday morning. I hope someday this will get easier, but right now, it’s still really hard for me. I know the Baby Dudes have fun at daycare. They smile uncontrollably at their teachers. They’re even starting to notice other babies and smile at them. I know they are happy and well-cared for…but, I struggle to be okay anyway.

2.  Feeling like I’m not doing a good job on any front.  I often feel like I am hopelessly failing at every one of my jobs: mom, employee, wife, daughter, church member, etc.  I struggle with feeling like I’m only able to do all my jobs halfway.

3.  Only having a couple hours a day during the week with my boys.  It’s totally not enough.  Not even close.  I miss their smiles and giggles and cries and maybe even being the one to change their diapers. I miss getting to watch them learn new things. I miss seeing their eyes light up when they see the most fascinating thing EVER, i.e. our doorstop, glass front door, or any of the other very “normal” things that they think are hilarious and awesome and super fun.  Yes, I get to see these things on the weekend, but my two-hours in the evening with babies who are really just ready to go to bed doesn’t quite cut it for me.

4.  Feeling like I lost a dream.  I know there are many, many working mamas who have never wanted to stay home and would never stay home regardless of their financial situation.  I happen to not be one of them, though I have a great deal of respect for them and try to emulate their strength and passion.  I have debt from grad school.  We need my income.  End of story.  But, that doesn’t make saying goodbye to something you wanted less painful.

5.  Not being able to participate in local mom-baby classes or groups.   At least in my area, virtually all the Mommy & Me-type groups and all the playdate groups meet in the middle of the day Monday-Friday. Obviously, this does not work for my schedule.  While I don’t think I’m missing all that much on the baby-development-or-social-interaction front, it would be really nice to have an opportunity to make some mommy friends who have kids the same age as the Baby Dudes.  All of our local friends either do not have children yet or have kids way older than the boys.  Sometimes, it’s just nice to have a friend who’s in the trenches with you, but it’s been difficult for me to meet other moms because all the groups that would be good sources for that meet during working hours.  That’s probably part of why I love Hellobee so much; it fills some of the gap in my life of mommy friends.  I’m sure there’s a way to meet other working moms with young babies, but I honestly just haven’t figured out what that is.

Both of my lists could go on and on, but I really try not to focus too much on what I love and hate about it and instead just try to do the best I can at all of my most important jobs: being a wife, a mom, and a good lawyer.

What are your favorite and least favorite things about being a WOHM, WAHM, or SAHM?