I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how as parents we view our children and the inevitable “my child is the best/cutest/smartest/funniest” mentality. It’s something I never understood before becoming a parent; previously when watching reality shows featuring parents pushing their children to be the best (possibly in sparkly gowns and fake tans), I didn’t identify with them. How could you think your kid is that cute/awesome/the world’s best tap dancer?
Now I’m a mom, and I wholeheartedly get it. Becoming a parent gives you some sort of altered view of reality. Case in point, let’s talk about a real life example in the Hopscotch household: Miss H’s hair.
When we look back at pictures of Miss H, specifically from about 8-10 months, we sing the song “Mullet Baby” (set to the tune of the Muppet Babies theme song). Her hair was terrrrrible! Don’t believe me? Here you go, photographic evidence:
When we finally cut it, my entire family must have breathed a sigh of relief. But in the moment, I was looking at her through the eyes of a mother who thought her baby was the cutest baby to ever be put on this earth, and her hair was just flat out gorgeous and don’t let me hear otherwise.
Now that we have cut the mullet and Miss H has grown and changed, how I view these pictures of Miss H is 100% different than I did when they were originally taken. Of course I still think she’s cute in them, but oh that hair!
As Miss H gets older and is doing more things, I often have to stop myself when talking to other parents, as I fear I will unintentionally sound competitive. I want to keep myself in check and make sure that being proud and wanting to share doesn’t come across as bragging or competitiveness. Because as time goes on, my super special “parent vision” will only get worse. Already I think Miss H is just so cute. And Miss H is the smartest kid ever. And she such an awesome walker. And on and on and on. But in reality I know that Miss H excels at some things and isn’t so great at others. That there are LOs her age or younger who are experts with using a fork while Miss H repeatedly throws hers on the ground, and others who are bold and brave with new people, while Miss H clings to my side. That every child develops at his or her own pace and what they’re doing is just perfect for him or her at that moment in time.
I think we are put on this Earth as parents to completely and wholeheartedly believe that our children are amazing – nothing beats the feeling of being proud and in awe of your child. But it is just as important to acknowledge that every parent is experiencing this same feeling, and to take a minute when talking to your friend/cousin/sister/brother to tell them just how amazing their child is, too!
And…so that Miss H doesn’t hate me for resurrecting the mullet pictures when she’s older and reading this, here’s a recent picture of her, sans mullet:
Do you ever find yourself feeling this way? Do you try and curb what you say about your LO or do you gush to your heart’s content?
cantaloupe / 6751 posts
Yes
I think my daughter is the smartest, prettiest, loveliest, most adorable, loveable little thing ever to be created. And no, I don’t think I’m biased one bit
When I look back at older pictures, though, I realize that yeah, she’s darn cute, but her hair was cray-cray (she was sporting a mullet for awhile too) or she just wasn’t as *perfect* as I remembered her to be
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
Well, Miss H IS quite cute
I actually think I have a pretty good view of my son’s cuteness and abilities. I think he’s reallllly cute. Really. Cutest baby I know in real life But the cutest baby ever to walk the earth? Nah, probably not. Also, I know his strengths and weaknesses and really don’t think I overstate his abilities. He’s good at somethings, slower at others, and is definitely not perfect. Do I relish in all of his milestones? Of course!!! I think it’s amazing!
I have one friend who constantly talks about how amazing her children are and it’s to the point of being awkward because it dominates conversation – and her kids are great, but she has a slanted view of reality. It rubs me the wrong way, so maybe I do the opposite when it comes to my son?
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
Maybe I’ve got a skewed opinion, but I’ve seen plenty of babies out there that are cuter than my girls… and while I love my girls and am so proud of them, a couple of their friends are far “smarter” than them…
But yeah, it is pretty amazing to also be able to see your children through the “can do no wrong” parent lens. Wonder how we’ll see them when they are teens?!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
I’m with @Mrs. Jacks: because I never thought my daughter or son were the cutest, best, most adorable babies on the universe. Cute – yes… Cute(st) – not so much.
I DO have to curb my enthusiasm though!! I can’t help but be proud about so many things even if they’re probably just typical developmental things!
There are so many things I’m proud of them about, and want to share my excitement with others, but find myself never mentioning it or holding back because I don’t want to seem like I’m bragging or comparing when really I’m just being a proud mama.
Case in point – yesterday, my husband stopped his bedtime routine with N, bounded down the stairs like a happy puppy and told me, “DID YOU KNOW NOELLE KNOWS THIS ENTIRE BOOK BY HEART?!!? SHE FLIPS THE PAGES AND IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE SHE’S READING THE WORDS BECAUSE SHE KNOWS EVERY WORD OF EVERY PAGE.” – he was THAT impressed. I had an inclination to share the incident with my friends, but then decided against it. I figure nobody else would really appreciate it the way me and DH do, and I just didn’t want to make a too big of a deal out of it. I get to share the enthusiasm with DH, and I guess that’s enough!
cantaloupe / 6687 posts
LOL re: mullet babies! She is so freaking cute!!!
I totally relate thinking my LO is so precious and just perfect…and then I look back at pictures and see her receding hairline and realize I am blinded by love
I think my LO is crazy smart but she is definitely not as skilled in the motor skills department (she couldn’t really jump with two feet off the ground until 20 months)…and she refuses to build blocks…she’ll just tear them down. Every baby is amazing in their own unique way!!! I love that most of my mom friends are not about comparing our kids in a competitor way
pomegranate / 3225 posts
I love this! Mullet baby is sooo funny!
persimmon / 1171 posts
I definitely think my LO is adorable beyond belief, but I am realistic. This is why I HATE when MIL takes and posts pictures with LO that do no highlight her best features! She’s a chubby baby, and adorable, but when the camera focuses on her double chin it’s not the cutest (: Poor LO (:
guest
Your girl is SOOO cute! Even with the mullet. It’s great that we do get so excited over their achievements. There is so much worry that comes with having a wee one, especially whether they are developing ‘normally’ so when we choose to be proud instead of worried, we are doing great! But yes, I do hold back when talking to others. Especially non-parent friends!
nectarine / 2886 posts
Miss H is so adorable though, even WITH a mullet! I think our LO is a cutie but not the cutest baby I’ve ever seen. But no one knows her like DH and I know her, and we love her because of who she is, spunky personality and all. When I was pregnant, my irrational hormonal self was worrying to my mom about whether LO would be cute or one of those ugly babies that people lie about and say is cute. My mom told me that there’s a saying that porcupines think their own babies have the softest quills…cheesy but now that I have my own LO, I get it!
blogger / nectarine / 2687 posts
being a teacher has given me a very realistic view of my child. of course, i think he’s adorable and hilarious and an overall great kid, but i definitely can see where he lies on the spectrum of other children, especially when it comes to things like behavior!
sometimes i think it actually makes me a little harsher towards lil’ CB in regards to his behavior because i know what is appropriate and i know how i would want him to behave in a classroom setting with other children….
that said, i do think he’s amazing and have lately been so jazzed about him riding a two-wheeler
cantaloupe / 6751 posts
@betsyboop: My mom said the same thing to me, too! (The line about the porcupines) Are you Korean, by chance?
pomegranate / 3053 posts
Oh she’s adorable either way! I’ve struggled with cutting my almost 18-month son’s hair. I’ve only cut his bangs and the back (b/c it was mullet-like) but, finally, I chopped it all off and now he has a real boy hair cut. I’m pretty proud of myself b/c it only took THREE tries to get it right. LOL! I still need to tweak the back but it’s almost perfect in my eyes.
pomegranate / 3053 posts
Oh, and to answer your question (I was in a rush earlier so couldn’t finish!), I used to find myself thinking the same thing but I’ve definitely learned to hold back on how I feel about my child only b/c I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings if their child (of the same age) isn’t doing the same thing yet or to be just that annoying parent who brags about her child like that. In reality, he’s far from the great kid I have in my mind. The 4s are HUGELY challenging. I have no words for the 4s. And a good portion of it has to do with all the changes in his life right now. I’ve often wondered if he would be much more well behaved if we didn’t just move half way around the world….or it’s just the age. I have yet to talk to families here how their child(ren) have adapted to the huge change.
bananas / 9227 posts
For me, it’s kind of the opposite. DH and I gush about DD at home, in private. We talk about the things she does with family and we all think it’s super cute, but it’s not in our personalities to ever announce it.
But I love to comment on other cute babies! I think all babies are uber cute, especially the newborn chunks! I find that some people (the older generation) are a little uncomfortable with that, which I don’t get. Just because I think someone else’s LO is cute doesn’t mean I think my LO is un-cute!
nectarine / 2886 posts
@pinkcupcake: Yes! When I told DH what my mom had told me, he said “That sounds like something my mom would say!” (he’s Korean too)
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I think it’s normal to think your kid is the superlative, but in reality, we all know they’re not really, unless there is some super obvious talent.
I always talk about what a genius my son is, but in a sarcastic way, like when he announces that he’s pooped.
coffee bean / 48 posts
Whenever our kid does anything intelligible, we say, “Call Mensa!”
grapefruit / 4923 posts
i’m more likely to gush about other babies than my own. i don’t mind sharing my excitement and wonder with some family and a few very close friends, but otherwise i don’t feel that comfortable talking much about what LO is doing. maybe it’s a privacy thing–like he’s this special thing to me and i keep my true gushiness close to my heart.
i am in awe of all babies, though, and love telling parents how amazing their babies are!
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
I struggle with this all the time. The things my kiddo rocks at, are… well, not from my gene pool. Why yes, he’s the only one in his class that has the politeness and courtesy down and I totally claim rights on that… But the crazy TKD skills?! Uhm, not me. So it’s awkward to gush (or receive compliments) on this. At times.
Great post though. Since all of our kiddos are clearly the best!