A couple months ago our doctor dumped us. We went into the relationship thinking it was a good match, with lots of promise for a bright future. Not so much. We broke up, and it wasn’t mutual. Why did our nice, friendly pediatrics practice kick us to the curb? Vaccinations, or rather, a lack of vaccinations.

Here’s a little back-story: Mr. Tricycle had an alternative upbringing and wasn’t vaccinated (you can read more about it here). As parents and partners, there are many issues to negotiate, and in our marriage, childhood vaccinations are one of them. If I was a single parent, it’d be an easy decision – I’d follow the CDC vaccination schedule to the letter, and not think a thing about it. Happily, I’m not in this alone, which means vaccinations for the Trikester aren’t cut and dry. Mr. Tricycle isn’t necessarily 100% opposed to vaccinations, but he wasn’t ready to start administering them to a brand new baby.

Because I needed to be respectful of Mr. Tricycle’s concerns, we specifically looked for a pediatrician who was willing to use an alternative vaccination schedule. When I was pregnant, I did my due diligence and interviewed multiple doctors, asking about their stance on immunizations. We finally settled on one of the largest practices in the area with the assurance that they were flexible and able to accommodate our requests. The only “rule” was that we had to sign a paper stating that we understood the risks involved in refusing vaccinations.

Over the first four months of the Trikester’s life, we saw a variety of doctors in the practice. The vast majority of them were super flexible and accommodating; they listened and answered questions, and didn’t just shut us down by reiterating the party line about the necessity and safety of childhood immunizations. We did have one very uncomfortable experience with an aggressive doctor. The baby cried the entire appointment, and I had yet to pick up my course of antibiotics to treat mastitis round #2, so Mr. Tricycle was on his own when it came to defending our position. He got flustered under the assault, and ended up telling her that our religious views didn’t allow for vaccinations (religious views have nothing to do with his stance).  It was awful and we both left the office feeling miserable.

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Like finding an inappropriate text on a lover’s phone, this encounter should have been a heads up that our relationship was in trouble. We didn’t think much about it, but at our next appointment, a very apologetic doctor explained that the practice was changing its policy and would no longer be able to work with patients who didn’t follow the prescribed vaccination policy.

The changes stemmed from a pending court case a few counties away where parents sued a doctors’ office for allowing unvaccinated families into the practice after their six-month-old contracted measles from an older, unvaccinated child. Because of this suit, our practice (and their lawyers), decided that allowing vaccination leeway was an unnecessary legal risk.

I can’t complain about how the doctor delivered the news; he was incredibly sympathetic and patient, but the facts were clear: the only way we would be allowed to stay with the practice was to immediately begin a catch-up vaccination schedule. He gave us a couple weeks to decide, and we went home to stew.

We talked for a few days, and although Mr. Tricycle wasn’t totally convinced, we ultimately decided to begin a catch-up vaccination schedule. I called and made the appointment, but then the next day realized the Trikester was suffering from a nasty cold, and ended up canceling it (note: most doctors agree that it’s perfectly fine to administer vaccinations when your child has a common cold – only fevers are a reason to delay immunizations).  We assumed putting off the appointment wouldn’t be a problem, as we were told we’d get a “warning” letter prior to any permanent action. A few days later, while we were waiting for the baby to heal and reschedule the appointment, we received the following letter in the mail:

“Mr. and Mrs. Tricycle…[blah, blah, blah]…effective the date of this letter, we have discharged your children from our practice due to your continued noncompliance with our recommendations for preventative treatment (vaccinations).”

And that was it. We got dumped via a letter, and the relationship was over.

Since we were now without a pediatrician, we had to quickly scramble to find a new provider. I’m assuming that these kinds of policy changes will spread, so here are some tips to locating a flexible physician if you find yourself in a similar situation:

  • Consider using a family practice instead of a pediatric practice. Because a family practice sees older patients who may never have been vaccinated, they are less likely to worry about the legal ramifications of alternative immunization schedules. From what I’ve learned, a family practice doctor is perfectly adequate for babies as long as they quickly refer you to specialists if there are any unusual concerns. Although Mr. Tricycle loves his family practice physician, he ultimately decided it was important that the Trikester have a pediatrician.
  • When calling a practice to ask about immunization flexibility, speak directly with a doctor. We found that nurses tend to be way more “hardcore” and are less likely to entertain considerations for delayed vaccinations than the doctors themselves.
  • Choose a tiny pediatric practice with only one physician. When there’s only one “boss” they have a little more leeway to bend policy or accommodate their patients. This is what worked for us. We are now working with a singleton pediatrician. Although our doctor still wants the Trikester vaccinated, she is flexible about the timeline.  She understands Mr. Tricycle’s reservations, and even though she doesn’t agree with them, she’s willing to accommodate them. For example, we ultimately began a catch-up vaccination schedule at six months, and at her suggestion, we split the first course of vaccinations into two rounds administered a week apart.

So far we’re happy with the new match, although our lives would have certainly been easier if we’d picked the right partner from the start.

Did you break up with your pediatrician? Was it mutual?