I have a feeling we’re not in West Asheville anymore. Much like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, I’ve started looking around and our new home, well, doesn’t feel much like home. Baby T and I moved a mere fifteen miles. But it might as well be another region entirely for how different things feel. If you’ve read my previous post, you know I’m a single mom who recently moved in with another single mom. The most common question I get asked these days is how’s it going? Everyone seems to be curious about what it’s like.
It’s been a blast — a mix of suburbia living, slumber party, and summer camp all blended together. In a month, we’ve managed to create a happy home that’s full of our kids’ laughter, Baby T’s happy coos and squeals, and the other mama and my girlish chatter and banter. We’ve also gotten into a pretty good groove, working on sleep training together, figuring out how to get kids to do chores and homework, and taking turns with meal prep.
If you had told me that our move would feel like living in the suburbs, I would have replied that you had gotten me confused with someone else. Turns out a little time in the suburbs is exactly what I needed. Gone are the grunge, desperately hip, young families and the elderly couples out on the front porch Baby T and I use to chat with on our evening walks. In fact, gone are all of our daily interactions, because we’re no longer living in a neighborhood with sidewalks nearby or parks within walking distance. Instead we’re spending more time commuting, driving to strip malls, and waiting in traffic lights.
Living in suburbia sprawl isn’t really my thing. But it turns out that getting to spend so much time with another family in a happy home dwarfs the unpleasant realities of suburban living. For me, living with another mom means a whole lot of support. We spend entire evenings playing with our kids, grilling on the deck and enjoying a bottle of wine on the deck. I’m helping her lose weight with healthy smoothies in the morning and evening jogs with the kids. She, in turn, has given me clothes and beauty advice, made me Mexican food, and dangerous cocktails. We swap stories about our work days and provide support with one another’s kids when needed.
But my favorite part of living here is spending time with our kids. She has two – a nine year old boy and a six year old girl. Her nine year old boy first interacted with Baby T as if a baby were a science project. He was very inquisitive, asking with a fascination whether Baby T actually swallows any of the food that he eats since it seems to drop from his mouth all over his clothes. He asks me what Tobin is saying, like I know because I talk back to him. At first the nine year old boy seemed uncomfortable with his new living situation, but he’s warmed up to us. He recently insisted we attend his birthday party in September. We’ve turned taking out the garbage into a relay race and I’m not sure who looks forward to it more. . .
As for the six year old girl we live with, she just thinks Baby T is adorable, which she somehow manages to fit in just about every other sentence. She’s already taken dozens of pictures of him on her purple camera adorned with pink flowers. She can be found holding on to one of his hands or feet at all times, never letting Baby T get far from her.
When Baby T and I walk through the door, the children run to greet him in happy voices and the other mom reaches to him for a quick snuggle. Baby T-lights up and adores his new big friends. The six year old girl turned to Baby T the other night and said, “you are like the little brother I never had.” And it does feel like that – like we’re part of one big family.
pear / 1787 posts
Another great post! Thanks for updating us–so glad to read that it’s going well. It sounds fun and supportive.
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
I love that Baby T has so many people to love on him every day! What a lucky little man he is!
grapefruit / 4056 posts
It sounds like you have found the perfect place for yourself and your little man!
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
I’ve gotta say, whatever is being cooked in that picture looks DELICIOUS. What is it??
GOLD / cherry / 182 posts
@Adira: It’s an amazing cheesy zuchinni concoction – very yummy stuff!
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
It sounds like such a smart idea. I’m glad you two are able to give eachother the support you both need. How are you managing the whole “roommate” aspect? I ask, because after having roommates for years in university, I can’t imagine doing that again!
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@Ms. Fairy Wings: I want some!!!
GOLD / cherry / 182 posts
@Grace: It’s not like any other “roommate” situation I’ve had before. In part, we both work full time and then have different weekend schedules. To be honest, I always feel happy when I see her car in the driveway – and am even happier if her kids are with her. The company is good, really good.
honeydew / 7968 posts
i think if i ever become a single mom, i’d love to do what you’re doing!
GOLD / cherry / 182 posts
@tequiero21: hopefully you’ll never become a single mom, but it’s so nice to know that whatever comes one’s way, life is gonna be okay. We spent an hour last night after our kiddos were in bed trying on her dresses and I got a lesson in accessorizing – fun stuff for sure!
pomelo / 5178 posts
So cute! And how lucky that you found this great arrangement for you and Baby T.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
They always say it takes a village to raise a child, so I see this as just another form, one that isn’t so uncommon in other parts of the world!
It’s not for everyone, but I can see the draws, I just wonder what might happen when someone develops a relationship with another person. How would that work? I mean in the context of being around all of the children, when do you bring them around, if at all?
GOLD / cherry / 182 posts
@looch: It certainly does take a village! The one part of our housing situation that I might not have shared is that we both entered into it with the idea that it would short-term. We’re thinking six months at most. See, before the other mama asked me to move in, I was already in the process of getting some financial stuff in order to start the process of house hunting. The other mama is trying to work things out with her husband, and, assuming they do, they will move back into the house together. We made a pact – no men stay the night at the house and the only men who come over are our kids’ fathers. My baby’s daddy hasn’t been invited – I consider this a healing space and I just can’t welcome into it just yet, maybe never. It’s complicated, but it sure is working!
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts
@Ms. Fairy Wings: I really like how well thought out your plan seems to be. I like your “men” rule for this particular stage in each of your relationships with your kids’ dads. You guys really do seem to be making some seriously good lemonade!
GOLD / cherry / 182 posts
@Mrs. Stroller: haha, I like your lemonade comment. Given the circumstances, I can’t imagine being in a happier space. It’s one of the most challenging times I’ve experienced – and sometimes can’t sort out whether it’s the normal moma lack of sleep and just getting use to being a mom or if it’s losing a man I love. Either way, it’s great to be moving toward a better place.
grapefruit / 4671 posts
Wow, I’m glad it is going so well for you. You deserve the peace and comfort.