Hellobee

As a mom who chose to formula feed from the very first feeding (and I mean very first), I just want to say — you are doing great. I am so sorry breastfeeding didn’t work out, but formula is a nutritious choice for your baby and it is wonderful you can give that to her. Take advantage of the benefits it offers – the ability to let your husband (or mom or whoever) take night-feedings once in a while, the ability to have a date night, and the ability to put that pumping stuff in storage! Don’t feel guilty and don’t worry about your baby – she is going to be great on formula.

I had a similar issue with my second LO. With my first LO, I nursed exclusively until she was ten months old (complete with pumping at work twice a day) and then slowly I stopped the day time pumping. She nursed for the last time very close to her first birthday. With this baby, I have decided to stay at home so I was so excited to exclusively nurse until he was one.

Well, my milk came in but his latch was terrible. We did everything, Lactation Consultants, Occupational Therapist (to help him learn how to use his sucking muscles in his mouth), and more. I was especially determined to make it work after getting mastitis. But, at three months he hadn’t gained enough weight, he was in the fifth percentile. So my doctor said I should try bottle feeding, I could pump or just use formula. Well, with a two year old running around I couldn’t sit and pump every two hours for twenty minutes (plus I think that my milk supply was so low because he never really required my body to make a lot). So, we bottled fed. At four months he was in the 40th percentile for weight!

I agree with you that there is no shame in bottle feeding or breast feeding. And, I agree with your guilt. I can’t help but to feel like I should have tried harder or something, but most days I look at his now pudgy thighs and feel better.

This motherhood thing sure is tough!

I had a very similar situation and was not only sad that my plans didn’t work out, but felt like such a failure. All around me first time moms seemed to just get the hang of it with very little effort. But like in your situation, there was nothing wrong with my daughter’s latch at all – in fact, she was a natural! It was all to do with my supply.

LO is 11 weeks old now and we have been exclusively giving her formula for the past week. She is taking to it really well and aside from the occasional green poop we haven’t had any real problems (and that’s not even a “problem” per se).

If I’m being honest, I love that my husband (or friends/family members) can give her a bottle, that I’ll be out of my horrific nursing bras soon (I hate them), that I don’t have to wear nursing-friendly clothing anymore and that I can work out more easily (running always hurt my boobs when I was nursing). I also feel like I have a lot more freedom to get out and about without constantly worrying if we’ll be in a convenient place when she’s ready to nurse. Just looking on the bright side, you know!

We’re formula feeding M. and while it made me sad at first that I couldn’t feed her, it has been easier in some ways. She’s healthy and happy and that’s all that matters to me in the end!

I am sorry you weren’t able to meet your breastfeeding goals, but I think even if you had taken a class or whatever, it would not have made a difference since it seems like it was a physiological issue. Be kind to yourself and don’t feel guilty. You did your absolute best!

FWIW my milk didn’t come in until the third or fourth day, but I understand that is normal (up to 5 days). When it came in, it really came in! I just don’t want readers to panic if this happens to them. It’s normal.

Thank you for your post. I struggled with supply issues the entire time I nursed and felt majorly guilty once I began supplementing with formula. To this day, although DD is a very healthy and active 28m, I still feel occasional guilt that I wasn’t able to EBF but then try and remember that at least we live in a time when there are nutritionally appropriate options out there to assist women in feeding their LOs.

It is interesting your experience with the hospital was so different than mine, since I believe we delivered at the same place. But then, I had a “broken” baby in NICU so clearly my bonding with her wasn’t as crucial. The nurses were useless and the lactation consultant, who was called several times, never made time for me.

Love to hear diff BF experiences. I want to level set that BF is not a given and prepare myself for diff options as necessary. Thanks for sharing!

@sloaneandpuffy: Same here. Mine didn’t come in until the end of Day 5 and I unwittingly starved him until then

Baby Jumper is happy, gorgeous, and healthy. You’re not feeding her Mountain Dew in a bottle (and yes, I have seen that)! Formula is not evil. The fact that you took it hard is only a sign that you’re a good mama who cares. Chin up.

@Mrs. Yoyo: Wow I bet you were worried! Fortunately colostrum was enough to keep us going the first 3-4 days and I didn’t have to supplement, even though one nurse tried to convince me otherwise! Fortunately I had a pediatrician who knew what was going on, because my hospital doesn’t really offer lactation consultants (at least that I am aware of).

Thank you for sharing this! The thing I hope the most is that I’m able to give breastfeeding an honest try — which you most certainly did, so you should be very proud!

@sloaneandpuffy: I blogged about it early on, but yeah, he lost 15 percent of his body weight. Finally on Day 4 when we went to the doctor she set me straight and told me we needed to get something in him, so he did get formula from a dropper for a couple of days. It was scary.

We gave LO formula within an hour after she was born because she was shaking from low blood sugar. Like most moms we struggled to get the hang of breastfeeding and we mostly pumped and supplemented with formula in the beginning, but with time we got the hang of it and its going well now

I’m so glad you were able to successfully get baby jumper to take formula. She sure does look healthy and happy to me!

I understand the guilt and can’t imagine what it’s like to start exclusively on formula that early and then deal with everything you see online about breastfeeding. You’re such a strong Mom!!

I have breastfed, exclusively pumped, fed formula and combo’ed them all. My life is ridiculous with her right now and everything we have tried. As someone who has struggled with milk coming in late, latch problems and anxiety about it all, I am all for whatever works.

I didn’t have issues (apart from breastfeeding only for one boob) but my breastfeeding journey didn’t last very long (4 months) this time around, I’m planning to go on longer… but I know my sister had issues and my niece was formula fed from 4 weeks old. You are a great mom, no formula or c-section dictate the opposite.

I had to put my 6 month old on formula at two weeks of age. She was not getting enough breast milk either, and ever since she’s been on formula, she’s been thriving!!

Mrs Jumper would you mind sharing the precise technique your LC recommended to massage out the clogged duct? I have one since the first week and it’s very stubbornly refusing to budge. I found the LC at the hospital no good at all and my local public health nurse useless as well. My supply is v poor now because with two babas and my infection I just didn’t want to / didn’t feel up to breast feed all the time. I am pumping now and taking fenugreek to try to boost it and lecithin to try to avoid any more clogs but I’m still only getting about 15oz per day- not much use to two twelve week old girls!
Definitely the only requirement as a mother is that you endeavour to raise a happy healthy baby. That’s the end of it as far as I’m concerned!

It can be so tough to not be able to give birth and feed your baby the way you think you want to. Thank you for posting and offering support to other mamas who struggle with breastfeed. The not being able to breastfeed guilt can be HUGE to deal with. I breastfed my baby until he was 6 months old, but then really struggled to keep up with his needs. He’s now 9 months and exclusively on formula & solids. As moms, we do the best we can do. Great job raising a healthy, happy baby!

I had this exact same experience and it still frustrates me that the lactation consultants don’t seem to want to admit that this can happen. I was told to do the same routine – nurse, supplement with bottle, pump – every 2 hours. Once my husband went back to work this became ridiculous as my new baby would cry when I would have to put him down to pump. I also experienced the same thing where I got less and less milk from the pumping. Eventually at 6 weeks I decided I would rather spend time with my baby than a breast pump and switched to formula. He is a very health and happy 16 month old now. I only had one very upsetting experience when a clerk at a baby store said my baby was so big because he was formula fed (not knowing that my husband i 6’4″ and I am 5’9″). I did pile on the guilt myself though which is why I think it is wonderful that you are telling your story so others know that this is something that can happen despite your best efforts to breastfeed. Thank you.

Yep! Same story here… except I didn’t have a c-section. My milk never really came in either. We tried to do the whole breastfeeding plus pumping plus formula supplementation thing too, but that system broke down once my husband returned to work and I didn’t have someone to feed the baby her bottle of formula while I tried to pump. In the end we did a combination of breastfeeding plus formula for 3 months. By the end of that time, baby was getting most of her food via formula, so once I returned to work at 3 months we switched over to exclusively formula. I had serious issues with guilt (and still do), but I try to just look at my baby and see that she is very happy and healthy as a formula fed baby. Even though this wasn’t our plan, it works for us!

After a pretty bad bout of mastitis when DD was 2 weeks old, I switched to formula full-time; and when DS came along I made the decision to formula-feed him from the very first day in the hospital. I felt a lot of guilt when I switched to formula with DD, but once I was able to work through those feelings, I’ve felt nothing but confidence and happiness with my decision to formula-feed DS. And both kids are doing incredibly well!

One of things that helped me work through my feelings on not breastfeeding was the realization that a lot of the guilt I was putting on myself was a result of outsiders judging me. The pediatrician we had at the time kept pressuring me to keep breastfeeding after my mastitis, my own family (mom, dad, sisters, etc…) are super pro-breastfeeding and would make little judgey comments about me formula-feeding, and I hated every time some random aquaintance or stranger would comment or stare at me when I fed DD from a bottle in public. I realized that most of my guilt was because I wasn’t doing what OTHER people thought I should be doing. When I thought what I wanted, though, I actually like formula feeding more than breastfeeding. Once I accepted that, I realized that I needing to stop thinkiing about what other people wanted me to do and start focusing on what I wanted/needed to do; after all, they’re my kids, and I’m the one that has to deal with the consequences (good or bad) of my parenting decisions. You have to follow your own internal guide on the best route for your family because, ultimately, no one else matters but your little family unit. Hugs, I hope you are able to get over the mommy guilt hurdle, too. You’re obviously doing a great job with your DD, and you having nothing to feel bad about!

My milk came in almost exactly a week after my baby was born. I saw several lactation consultants and none of them suggested that the problem might be that my milk hadn’t come in yet. Latching etc went much better after it did… I didn’t know if we’d make it to 6 weeks and here we are almost 11 months later, still going.

Nursing + pumping + formula-supplementing is totally exhausting and nightmarish! I did that for the first 2-3 weeks and can only imagine the strength needed to keep that up for 6 weeks. It only worked because my husband and then my mother did a lot of formula feeding with a teeny tiny syringe because I was paranoid about nipple confusion.

I really wish I’d known Mrs. Bee’s tip about keeping pump parts in the fridge between those frequent pumping sessions!

@aunt pol: I strongly encourage you to get advice from your OB or your lactation consultant if you’re having problems. A clogged duct was really painful for me!

She had me apply hot compresses, and pump while massaging at the same time. I massaged in a downward, circular motion — kind of like pushing it out. It was awkward, so Papa Jumper held the pump while I massaged. It took a day or two, but it did unclog and it was sweet, sweet relief.

@Mrs. Cat in the Cradle: I’m sorry you had such a different experience than I did. I do think we delivered at the same hospital.

Very similar story here. My milk never fully came in and I would nurse for almost an hour then have to give a bottle after every time – then pump after that. It’s all I was doing around the clock for several weeks until I decided I’d had enough and wasn’t spending quality time with my daughter. Best decision I’ve ever made, but it was so difficult to make. It makes me tear-up now just thinking about it. I was devastated because I had just assumed it would work and hadn’t prepared for the possibility it wouldn’t. My daughter is 6 months old now, and she’s a healthy, happy baby! I do sometimes wonder if I’d tried harder if it would have worked out, and I feel guilty every time she gets sick at daycare (whole other story) – that maybe she wouldn’t get sick as often if I was breast feeding. But I honestly don’t know what else I could have done.

i breastfed til 11-months, but i would supplement with formula here and there on an as-needed basis. even if i hadn’t breastfed, i refuse to feel guilty if i ever have to do formula only. i was a formula-fed baby from 2 weeks on because my mom just couldn’t get her supply to kick in (plus back then, formula was considered better than bf). i rarely get sick, am a normal weight, and consider myself a pretty well-rounded human being!

i think mother’s have it hard enough as it is without these ridiculous debates about what’s best for baby. we are all doing our best… and i’m so glad you wrote this so that mom’s that do continue to feel guilty for their choices (even if they couldn’t help it), will find comfort knowing that in the whole scheme of things…. this really doesn’t matter all that much.

thanks for sharing what must’ve been such a hard hard time for you!!!

I had a really hard time in the beginning too and we were having weekly weight checks because of it. I used to take him in with a full cloth diaper and a full belly for his weight check just to keep them from requiring formula. I was really stubborn. Thankfully he’s fine now and my milk supply is too, knock on wood.

FWIW a lot of women can’t get any milk out for a pump, but their baby can. Just thought I’d mention it in case others are in a similar situation. I have trouble pumping if I’m not totally relaxed, which is really hard to do when you have a newborn right there next to you crying.

thank you for sharing! I can really relate – My supply wasn’t bad but it wasn’t good either. LO would fall asleep while b-feeding, only to be fussy an hour later because he didn’t get enough (turns out, he wasn’t removing milk and my supply dwindled before I even knew it). From early on, I felt like it was such an uphill battle. I HAD to pump every 2-3-4 hours, it became a mission to get my supply back up, which never happened. I hated leaving the house bc all my pump supplies were at home. It really took a toll on my friendships and relationships.

I drank tons of water, took tons of supplements, teas, tinctures, suffered through many many clogged ducts…looking back, it was so heartbreaking and miserable. I felt really isolated and alone. I so wanted what I saw my friends do – feed their babies no problem.

In the end, I supplemented with a bottle of formula a day. Once LO turned a year old and we switched to cow’s milk, it has been a relief not to have to think about it.

I am hoping I will have a better time with my 2nd but hopefully won’t be too heartbroken if it doesn’t work out well either.

Again, thanks for sharing…The only thing that made me feel better about it at the time was hearing stories of other moms who were struggling as well (ie – i wasn’t alone)

thank you for sharing! i was in a similar situation – had csection, no supply and started formula feeding when DD was 4 days old b/c of weight issues. my supply never really came in despite renting a pump and pumping every 3 hours for 2 weeks. i felt SO GUILTY! i must have cried 2-3x a day for the first month b/c i felt like i was a horrible mother. it was also tough b/c it seemed like BF came so easy to my friends. some were even say they had too much supply!

i still feel guilty every now and then and keep thinking “i should have tried this or should have done that.” but for the most part, i’m over it. DD is 2 months old, healthy and happy! i’m glad to see that i’m not the only one w/ supply issues!

I had a lot of problems in the beginning too. My milk came in the next day, so that was nice, but my daughter had such a shallow latch that I ended up with a nipple shield. I used that darn thing for months before finally being able to give it up. And then had to teach her how to latch all over again. We also had weight problems and I remember pumping on one side while feeding on the other and also having to use an SNS.

But I feel for all of you who didn’t have supportive and knowledgeable lactation consultants. My hospital was great and also had/has a free breastfeeding support group that met every week. It was a lifesaver to have my questions answered each week and to also listen to problems and experiences the other mothers had. If I hadn’t had that support, there’s no way I would have BF for as long as I did, which was 22 months. My daughter was also the slowest nurser ever. I remember watching an entire 2 hour movie and she nursed the entire time.

And yeah, some women just don’t get much from the pump. I was once of them. I’d be happy with 4 oz. total (from each side) from one session, yet she was getting plenty and even had trouble with overactive letdown.

Add me to the list of people who have struggled massively with supply. I pumped every 2 hours around the clock, for 30 minutes at a time, for many weeks. I seriously can’t believe I did that. I eventually got my supply up with the help of Domperidone. I know it’s controversial but to each her own, it was a lifesaver for me! My LO wouldn’t latch because of my supply issues but I’m glad I kept pumping. I tried randomly to latch her on a week ago at 4.5 months and she went to town, so we’ve been BFing ever since! I hate hate hate how judgy people are about how we feed our children!