Meet Mr. High Heels
He grew up with a SAHM, who diligently woke up at the crack of dawn every day his entire life to prepare him a healthy, gourmet breakfast.
Meet Mrs. High Heels:
I was raised by wolves. Just kidding. More like I was raised by grandparents, aunts, and a whole slew of nannies (all of Hispanic origin). I can’t remember a day (ever!) when my mom woke up before me. I almost always ate cold cereal for breakfast, that I prepared myself. And it wasn’t the healthy kind either.
Breakfast is just a glimpse into the contrasting ways in which my husband and I were raised. From our economic backgrounds to our parents’ child-rearing philosophies – it all couldn’t have been more different…
Even though we both grew up in areas with great public schools, Mr. HH’s dad insisted that all his kids go to private Christian schools from preschool through high school. His mom supported every decision his dad made without question. I, on the other hand, went to public schools all my life (with the exception of preschool). And my mom was a strong-minded career-woman who never even changed her maiden name. She was also the primary breadwinner of the family (though my dad worked too). Mr. HH grew up in a deeply religious, Christian home. I grew up in a non-religious home, and my parents did not actively practice any faith.
His parents are both extremely introverted and tend to keep to themselves. My mom is the biggest social butterfly you will ever meet (though I am not). My dad was a little more balanced — an introvert with extroverted tendencies. His parents attended every sports game and award ceremony. Mine were too busy with work, but I was thrown into every activity possible from girl scouts to swimming lessons, gymnastics lessons, horseback riding lessons, and more. I was certainly provided for in that way. However, what his parents gave in time, they lacked in words. In contrast – mine were always incredibly verbally expressive and affectionate. Even though I often dreamed for more of their time, I never doubted their love for me because I was told every day how proud they were of me and how I was so so loved, even when I felt I didn’t deserve their praise.
His mom was very cautious and protective of her kids. From what my husband tells me, she constantly worried about them. The moment they got sick, she’d have a whole batch of made-from-scratch chicken noodle soup ready the next day. I’ve been able to reap the benefits of this type of nurture. :) My mom was not very nurturing – at least not in that way. When I got sick, she would scold me, saying “I told you so!” Usually it’s, “I told you not to sleep with your hair wet,” or “I told you to always wear socks.” On the one hand, I was never babied and learned independence at a very young age; I quickly became self-sufficient. But on the other hand, it became ingrained in me not to rely too much on people and not to expect too much from them.
I grew up pretty spoiled when it came to money. He did not. My parents never gave me reason to worry about money, and I was raised believing that paying for convenience is just as valuable as finding a good deal (essentially, I was taught that time is money). In my previous life, if you asked me how much I spent on a particular item, I wouldn’t be able to tell you because I never thought twice before purchasing something (this has since changed!!). My husband’s family lived on a one-income painter’s salary. Granted, his dad did pretty well during the real estate boom days… but when the economy went to hell, they really struggled to make ends meet. My husband started working in high school, and also worked his way through college in order to pay his tuition and daily living expenses.
Despite the extremely different households we grew up in, my husband and I are actually more along the lines of “birds of a feather flock together” rather than “differences attract.” Our likes/dislikes, habits, and perspectives are similar more often than not, but I believe the one factor that really binds us together is our faith. In a future post, I will share how our childhoods have helped shape our parenting tendencies and philosophies.
Were you and your spouse raised like night and day, or do you guys have a pretty similar background?
blogger / coconut / 8306 posts
I really love Mr. HH’s pink hat. Is that a shower cap?
Papa Jumper and I had very contrasting childhoods. We vacationed as a family 4-5 times a year, where as Papa Jumper took his first family vacation when he was 27. Our families are polar opposites when it comes to everything, but especially how finances and upgrades are handled.
It was really difficult when we first combined finances and started talking about household goals. I only recently convinced Papa Jumper that he doesn’t have to fix everything himself & it’s ok to admit that he’s better at fixing cars than he is at cutting down trees. His family had *never* hired a handyman and would rather go without than to pay for a service. Blows. My. Mind.
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
“On the one hand, I was never babied and learned independence at a very young age; I quickly became self-sufficient. But on the other hand, it became ingrained in me not to rely too much on people and not to expect too much from them.”
That’s me!! I never connected my independance with not feeling like I can rely on people. That’s really interesting.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
We grew up pretty similarly. Both of our parents were really strict, conservative, and Christian.
bananas / 9227 posts
Night + day, pretty similar to you and your hubs, actually! Although his mom didn’t SAH, she reduced her work hours. His childhood was filled with stability and TLC, but they were non-religious. Mine wasn’t as stable, we moved a few times (same city, neighborhoods), saying my mom isn’t the nurturing type is an understatement (so I totally get what you mean), and I’d gotten more “things” than attention and time, but my folks were religious.
Surprisingly, DH and I also share very similar habits, world views and perspectives, although we’re not religious.
blogger / pear / 1964 posts
I can relate! But although we were raised in very different environments, I think our families embraced similar values – which certainly makes life easier now as we try to reach agreements on BIG things like money, religion, and life’s priorities.
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@mrs. jump rope – haha! i have no idea what’s on his head!! looks like a knit pink hat to me… and he pulls it off so well.
@grace – yea! i think i recognized that in myself early on. i don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing that i have low standards and expectations of people. makes me a pretty low-maintenance friend though (so i’ve been told).
@leialou – would you say you and your DH embraced your parents’ values? are you also strict, conservative, and religious?
@crumbs – similar to you… my DH and i are also really similar. it’s so interesting how two people can be raised in completely different environments and still turn out pretty similar.
@mrs. tricycle – same here. we totally agree on all those BIG things you listed too. i think another factor that’s huge in making things work is mutual respect and a willingness to compromise.
GOLD / cantaloupe / 6581 posts
Yes! We were raised completely differently, and I always comment on how funny it is that we turned out so similarly!
My husband grew up in a working-class neighborhood and both of his parents worked. They had very little money. His parents are much more lax, pretty much let him get away with anything, including underage drinking and smoking. They are both heavy drinkers/smokers, and have been married for about 30 years now. They traveled rarely, and my husband’s first plane ride was to our wedding!
I, on the other hand, grew up in upper middle class Houston suburbs. We traveled frequently and didn’t lack for much. My mom was a SAHM and my dad was a white collar businessman. I was spoiled, I’ll admit it. My parents rarely drank and were extremely strict. My parents divorced last year.
SO, um, that was long… oops. But yeah, it constantly amazes me how differently we were brought up and yet our views on raising a kid are almost identical!
pomegranate / 3225 posts
Very interesting! It dose make me think. DH and I were raised very differently, but I’m amazed how similar we are despite it.
It definitely comes out in small ways! Especially because I’m all about paying for convenience…
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@bookworm – i love long comments!!! so don’t stop
i’m finding ALL these comments really interesting!! i love learning about where people come from and how that shapes who they become.
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@kml636 – yeaa that “paying for convenience” habit is something i really had to consciously work on over the years! it’s been a good learning experience for me though…
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
@Mrs. Tricycle: We are just like this! Hubs and I agree on the BIG stuff, but our childhoods were very different and so sometimes we disagree on the little things. For example my family is just much more formal than his (we like thank you notes, and strict boundaries, and proper manners) and my hubs’ family is just much more laid back. My family was also more well off so I had private schooling, lots of vacations, etc and while his parents provided comfortably for the family, they didn’t have a lot of luxuries. One lifestyle is not necessarily better than the other but I do worry that sometimes we’ll have some “disagreements” on minor parenting decisions because of our differing backgrounds.
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
DH and I come from completely different backgrounds too!
Only similarity is we both come from loving Christian homes!
He went to private schools, traveled the world at a young age, and was a total child of privilege. His parents disciplined by showering love on their kids–and it worked!
I went to public school, was a 1.5’er so our family struggled financially. My dad was a firm believer of corporal punishment. Spare the rod, spoil the child!
It’s nice that DH and I come from such different backgrounds because we’ve managed to find a happy medium and balance each other out really well.
We’ll probably send our kids to private though!
blogger / nectarine / 2687 posts
mr. cowboy and i come from kind of similar backgrounds in that we were both raised by first generation korean-americans with a strong christian background.
neither of our families were very well to-do, but i definitely grew up more privileged than mr. cowboy in terms of the things we had and trips we took, etc.
also, my parents are about 10 years younger than mr. cowboy’s and came to the states when they were much younger (my dad was 14, mom was 19), so that affected the way they parented and the way we were raised.
in the end, mr. cowboy and i are very similar, but our biggest difference is the way we spend our money!
pear / 1672 posts
Thanks so much for this post! My DH and I were raised in vastly different ways in part because we are very different in our backgrounds. I grew up as an only child, working class immigrant raised by a single working mother. We didn’t have much as extras, but I was raised in a very strict home where school, family and church were important. Plus, I grew up in culturally and racially diverse New York City as a Black woman.
My DH is the exact opposite. He grew up upper middle class with a SAHM and a engineer father in a small town in New England that was almost completely white. He stopped going to church in his early teens after his grandparents stopped making him go. His parents were pretty lax in how they raised him (at least I think so…LOL!)
We get along well and have very similar personalities and are very grounded people. I have to admit that as we are TTC that I fear in the future we’ll have conflict because of our different pasts. We talk and communicate a lot about our differences, and I believe that will be extremely important.
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
We both grew up with working parents. He grew up in upper middle class and I grew up in lower middle class/lower class. Most of his college was paid for by his mom and I had very little help from my parents. Growing up in an asian family, my parents hardly showed us love (more like tough love) and were very strict. He is white with very loving parents. His mom gave him independence and support when he needed it. My parents pretty much let me figure out life on my own but gave me food and shelter. Because of that I’m much more independent than my DH. My parents are still (unhappily) married while his parents are divorced.
His mom is an extrovert and my mom is a introvert. I don’t know what to say about our fathers. Both of our fathers made some big mistakes in the past so we don’t exactly trust our fathers. My husband and I are both introverts. We met in high school at a part time job so he wasn’t spoiled.
blogger / pear / 1964 posts
@MamaMoose: I’m sure we’ll have those smaller disagreements, too!
We’re already “under negotiations” about paying for bambino’s college tuition. My parents paid mine in full, while DH took out loans and worked extra jobs.
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
Hubby and I were raised very differently, but as adults, we have the same goals and morales. As mentioned, we complement each other.
olive / 70 posts
This is such an interesting post, and something that I think about from time to time since my hubs and I are like night and day.
My mother is like your husband in that she has always woken up at the crack of dawn to cook me breakfast everyday. Funny, I thought she was the only one to do that in my childhood. We didn’t have much money when we were growing up, so we didn’t have many vacations. My parents were very strict and we almost always ate at home all the time.
My husband’s mom couldn’t be more different in that she doesn’t really cook at all, his family ate out on a weekly basis, and they were completely laid back when it came to raising their kids. Apparently they also went on more vacations.
I worry now since we have kids because we come from such different backgrounds. I know I am definitely the stricter one, and he is more laid back. So far we have been doing okay, but we still have our disagreements.