Our children will grow up with greater access to technology than ever before, but with access comes a high risk of exposure to unsavory content like pornography — potentially at a very young age.
A recent “New York Times” article, “So How Do We Talk About This? When Children See Internet Pornography,” notes that technology and explicit images are so rampant that typical preventative measures may not cut it:
Conventional wisdom has held that strict rules about screen time and installing filtering software will solve the problem. But given the number of screens, large and small, that fill the average American home, those strategies may be as effective as building a bunker in the sand while the tide rolls in.
The article outlines several strategies parents are adopting when their children get an eyeful. Some try to teach their children to immediately click away from anything explicit; others use a combination of filtering, especially for younger children, and open talk with older kids about what they may have seen.
After his 12-year-old son downloaded a racy iPhone app, one father decided to try to channel his son’s curiosity by allowing him access to one particular site with “pictures of naked women that were not much racier than what might appear in the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated.” Other parents have simply accepted that their children will find a way:
Others who assumed their children would eventually search for pornography said that they had tried to teach them to be, in effect, responsible consumers: they showed them how to be discreet, erase browsing histories and avoid malware, and they instructed them never to share pictures of themselves or explicit content with others, especially younger children. (Experts caution that showing minors sexually explicit material could, in some states, violate “harmful to minors” laws.)
For most parents, though, a frank talk about pornography is inescapable. Sex educators recommend parents adopt a calm attitude so that children feel comfortable going to parents with questions without feeling like they’ll be judged or condemned. They also recommend getting a dialogue started early instead of waiting for a child to stumble across something, forcing the issue.
Dana, a divorced mother of three in Massachusetts, assumed her sons would seek out pornography and thought it was normal for her 9-year-old to want to look at pictures of naked women. But when he was 13, he asked why women liked to be choked. She then realized she needed to explain to him that pornography isn’t real and that the people are paid actors.
Unlike many parents, Dana had an opportunity to help her son understand what had upset him, which is why therapists … say that keeping the lines of conversation open is the best safeguard against any potential harm.
However we confront the issue, it may crop up sooner than we realize. The article profiles one mother whose 6-year-old stumbled onto a graphic video while watching “My Little Pony” videos online.
What kind of limits, if any, do you think you’ll set on your children’s technology use to combat these situations? How will you deal with the issue if they see something you think is inappropriate?
GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts
This is a great topic for discussion. I’ve often wondered how we are going to bridge these waters with our own children. The immediate access to any/all varieties of pornography at such a young age seems like it could have some serious consequences.
blogger / pomelo / 5361 posts
Eeek! Tough issue to figure out how to address. I’m definitely not cool with my 9-year old having free rein to look at naked pictures. I understand that kids do become naturally curious, but I personally think pornography has many harmful effects, including unrealistic thoughts and expectations about the other gender and relationships. (I know many people have no issue with pornography; this is just my personal views.) I will definitely want to teach my children to navigate away from sexually explicit pages, and I’m sure I’ll use filters when they are younger. I’m also not above putting software on our computers to monitor where our kids go online; there are too many predators out there that are quite proficient at saying the right things to kids.
While I am all about putting protections in place, I plan on being very open with out kids about sex generally. My parents were pretty open with us, and I think that’s one of the most important aspects no matter where you stand on what kids should and shouldn’t view. I want my kids to know they can ask me about anything and I’ll answer as honestly as I know how. I want to be the one that helps shape their views, not some website. If they see something, I want to be able to have a frank discussion with them about it.
But, man, that’s awkward to think about…
persimmon / 1202 posts
Ah, the days before the internet, when my brother just ran off with the Lane Bryant catalog underwear section… I had way more internet access than I’ll allow my kids. I DID run across “yiff” when I was 12 or so, but it just took one thumbnail to send me back to g-rated waters (thinking “What the heck is WRONG with people???”)
GOLD / kiwi / 613 posts
@highwire: My concern, which the article does seem to touch on, is children getting a very wrong idea about sexuality. I think I could address questions about a “run of the mill” sex scene. A woman getting hit or otherwise abused, for example, would be a lot tougher to address.
kiwi / 553 posts
What an interesting and important topic to bring up. Seeing that I’m having two boys, I’m sure the porn conversation is going to happen more than once.
My husband is in IT and we plan to use filters and whatnot, but we do want our boys to explore their sexuality safely and responsibly. I’m not sure how we’re going to approach the subject, as both of our families did NOT talk about sex openly at all. I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it!
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
this scares me soo much. I grew up as computers and internet really took off – but it’s gotten so much more intense since I was a kid. I am scared for how I’ll have to address this. I know that by age 10 or 11 a boy has already seen pornography in some form – so it’s best to address this before then, I am just glad I have awhile before I have to deal with this with my son.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I am not that worried about having the discussion with my son, to be honest. For me, this is one of those things that comes with the territory of being a parent. It’s not only about kissing skinned knees…it’s about dealing with bullying, sex, violence and all the atrocities that are committed around the world in a honest and open manner. I don’t want to instill fear in my child, but I want him to be aware of the world around him.