This is a post that I’ve been putting off, probably because it’s hard to articulate. There are lots of different ways to come to the decision to adopt. Some people struggle with infertility or have a family genetic or personal medical history that makes them unable to have a biological child. Others have environmental or social concerns about bringing biological children into the world. There are a million different reasons to choose adoption, but no simple indicators to know that it is time. I wish it was that easy! Instead, the best guide is probably when an internal calling tells you that adoption should be a consideration for you and your family.
For us, there is no absolute contraindication to having another pregnancy and delivery. We could do it, but it would take a huge commitment beyond the usual pregnancy challenges. There were some relative contraindications including my age (40), and experience with my past pregnancy resulting in bedrest (which I can’t afford with my career and our daughter). Put simply, I was a bad baby house! Our last delivery was wonderful, but in hindsight there were some serious problems that could have permanently harmed me or Little Jacks. There is a high likelihood that we’d have the same problems a second time around. I had to balance the risks and benefits, and in our case I simply couldn’t imagine not being able to pick up Little Jacks or go to work for the last trimester of a pregnancy in order to have a safe pregnancy and delivery.
There are some practical considerations as well that may come into play for some folks. Assisted reproduction can be expensive, and there are no guarantees that there will be a baby at the end of that road. (Though I do know many people who have had successful pregnancies this way!) I know from friends who have gone the IVF route that it can become very self-consuming, and that there can be a sense of personal failure when the outcome isn’t a healthy pregnancy. I hope others here can give this perspective better than I can… but I will say that failure to achieve pregnancy has no correlation with the ability to parent! Likewise, adoption can also be expensive, though in general you do end up with a child in your arms at the end of the adoption road. So, it is important to consider how much you want to spend in pursuit of biological kinship, and whether that will preclude you from having a child in the end through adoption if that is the route you ultimately choose.
I know some people for whom biological kinship is the most important thing in having a child. They’d rather be childless than to adopt. This is a difficult perspective for me to wrap my head around (but if anyone can articulate it, I’d love to understand it better!). I’m guessing it has something to do with the fear that it would be hard to love a child who doesn’t share your biology, or the notion that nurture isn’t as strong as nature. Whatever the reasons, these were not issues that we had to come to grips with, so it was an easy pivot to adoption for us.
Yes, there are still times I am wistful for feeling those precious kicks in my belly and the bonding that occurs during pregnancy and delivery. I see a pregnant woman, and I get a twinge of jealousy that I will not have the experience that they are having. There’s a tiny part of me that thinks, “Well, what if????” It’s also hard to not be in control of the gestational environment of the child, considering I obsessed about everything I ate or drank with Little Jacks on board. But, I know without a doubt that I will love and cherish our adopted child as deeply and strongly as Little Jacks. Letting go of pregnancy is a small price to pay to have this new adventure in life and new path to family creation and love! I hold onto that every time any of the darker feelings creep in.
For those considering adoption either now or in the future, what made you decide to put aside the biological pathway and pursue adoption?
persimmon / 1465 posts
Great post! It really gave an insight into the process. Thankyou for sharing.
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@cupcakemama: Thanks! As I said elsewhere, I really hope that your TTC process for #2 goes really well. I definitely wouldn’t have been scared by my age if that was the only issue for us!
guest
Our journey to adoption did start with infertility issues. It was not important to me to have a biological child but it was important to my husband. I agreed to do some minor fertililty treatments (no IVF just drugs). My stipulation was that since it was my body and my hormones that we being screwed with that I could pull the plug and go adoption. We tried for about five months and then I called it quits and we found an agency
I was definitely sad that I was not going to feel kicks or breast feed but I let myself grieve that and think about all the mom things I was going to get to do. My husband stared to get excited about it too and we brought home our oldest son from the hospital. I have since has three biological children and I can honestly say when I look into their little faces there is no difference in the way I feel towards them. I do have greater concerns about his milestones because of possible exposure before his birth and how his genetics will play a role in his life and birth family relationships. But those things get clumped in with all the other worries and hope we have for our children. Although it was not my husbands first choice he and I have been truly blessed by my sons adoption
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@Nicole: We discussed a similar approach prior to conceiving Little Jacks. We decided that we would not go so far as IVF, since we were already so open to adoption.
I think any adoptive parent is going to read more into the interplay of nature and nurture for adopted kids… but I don’t necessarily think that our genetics are so great that I shouldn’t have those worries for a bio kid either
cherry / 230 posts
Re: the biological aspect; As much as I love the idea of adoption, I had a friend in high school who was adopted and hated it. She loved her parents more than anything, but hated that they weren’t her “real” parents. I think I would feel similar to that. I’d be grateful to have a child, but I think it would mentally upset me that they weren’t “my” child, and be a constant reminder that I couldn’t have children of my own (I’m not supposed to, Cameron is our miracle baby). I’ve given a lot of thought to it as before we became pregnant, I felt like it was my only option. I decided I wouldn’t be able to look past that, and it would do the child more harm than good. If it was a different senario, I think I’d be okay. Like now that we have Cameron, I probably wouldn’t mind as much because the main goal would be to give him a younger sibiling without killing myself (likely medical result of another pregnancy).
I do admire people who adopt, I think it’s great to be giving that child a better life than the birthparents thought they could.
guest
I do think nurture has a lot to do with who we become but our genetics is the base line for what can be built on. I think my concerns are even greater because my twins were born just shy of nine months after my oldest was born. In fact the three of them will be in the same grade together. I can see my twins going things long before my oldest. I know we should not compare kids because they are all different but it does happen at least for me it does.
I do know a little about his birth family. On his birth mothers side there was multiple ADHD diagnoses and many of the struggled with reading and school. His birth father got his GED after being kicked out of several schools. As a teacher I know I can work with any issues like that and help him through school but it does pop into my head when I see him not meeting the American pediatrics associations reccomended milestones
cantaloupe / 6669 posts
@Mrs. Jacks: What an interesting post! Thank you for sharing what is such a personal experience.
Like you, I have always felt “pulled” to adoption, and could never understand why people wouldn’t want to or why they would even object to it. I understand a little bit more now that I do have a desire to create a child with DH that is a little bit of him and a little bit of me. I would still love to adopt, but if we weren’t able to have a biological child, I would definitely grieve not having that experience. After all, reproduction is one of the most natural, intrinsic experiences that one can have.
Something else you didn’t really touch on is the desire to “rescue” a child. I know you are not “supposed” to look at it that way – obviously parents are lucky to be blessed with an adopted child, not the other way around! But I do admit that much of my “pull” to adopt is feeling like, if there is a baby in the world in need of a loving family, how wonderful to be able to provide that to that child who might otherwise not have it. Rationally I know that there is no shortage of couples wanting to adopt, but emotionally that desire is definitely there.
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@CameronsMomma: Thank you so much for sharing your perspective! I’m definitely learning from your experience.
In our case, we are planning on an open adoption so that our baby will always know the birthfamily and thus take away the “mystery” of birthfamily.
I hadn’t thought about not being able to move past the loss of being unable to conceive or carry a pregnancy. Everyone mourns in their own way, and I can appreciate that.
Now that you do have Cameron, are you planning to adopt for a second baby?
honeydew / 7968 posts
we definitely wanted a child, whether or not they were biological, but we did want biological first and adoption if we couldn’t have one. we may choose adoption in the future because i want to give a “homeless” child a place of comfort. i just hope i could love them as much as i love my own children that i’ve bonded with over the past 8-9 months. i don’t think i’d want to “work so hard” to get an adopted child though. maybe adopt an unwanted older child? i don’t need another newborn.
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@daniellemybelle: Good points. I deliberately stayed away from the “save a child” mentality, because I *personally* feel very strongly while adoption may change the circumstances of a child, it doesn’t “save” them. I guess I’m focusing specifically on the idea of many churches that they encourage their congregations to adopt in order to save the soul of a child. Hopefully, I’m making my thought process clear. It’s really a topic worthy of a whole new post.
@Nicole: You bring up more good points! My family member’s adopted child is 11 months older than her bio son. They are also in the same grade. (The younger one skipped a grade). Yes, the adopted child has some learning problems… but she also brings INCREDIBLE talents to our family that our genetics don’t necessarily support. She’s an artist and a dancer and thinks so creatively! My family member has worked really hard to capitalize on these other talents that are not found in our genetics. I guess what I’m trying to say is that every individual has strengths and weaknesses implicit in their genetic footprint, but with an enriched environment, we hope to find ways to maximize the nurture effects of the natural strengths. Does that make sense or do you think my viewpoint will change as our child develops?
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@tequiero21: You don’t need any extra work right now! You are going to have your hands full
Just make sure that if you adopt a non-infant that he/she is younger than your twins. Adopting out of birth order can be a VERY bad idea! (Especially with a kid that comes with some serious emotional baggage!)
guest
Mrs. Jacks. I absolutely agree with you about nurturing a child’s talents. Even biological children can be very different from one another. I think all children bring something fantastic to the family. I am truly blessed by my son. I think the adoption just makes me more sensitive to those issues. I’ll give an example. At my sons three month check up he was not socially smiling yet. My pediatrician asked if I k ee of any drug or alcohol exposure. My answer was I don’t know. She said no but her grandparents told us she was a party girl and they were struggling with her. There is that unknown part of adoption that just makes me more sensitive. He started smiling two days later and he is just fine. If he had been my bio child I would have been able to say absolutely no drugs or alcohol and then the pediatrician would have said oh give it a little bit he will probably start smiling soon.
Its those situations that make me worry more. Its hard to explain. There are things about each of my kids that I worry about. One of my twins is really skinny and has been since birth. I worry about his nutrition. My other twin is very clingy. I worry about his socialization. My daughter has three older brothers I worry about how she will get along with them. It just happens that one of the things I worry about with my oldest son revolves around his adoption. Maybe I am just a worry wort.
I also strongly agree that it was not saving a child. I don’t know what his life would have been like. His birth family could have really changed and given him a great life. I do know what mine was like with out him and he truly changed my life.
honeydew / 7968 posts
@Mrs. Jacks: wow, don’t adopt out of birth order? why’s that?
cherry / 230 posts
@Mrs. Jacks: Honestly, I’m not sure. I’d like to say yes, but with Cameron being so young (24 days), I have no idea if we’ll want a second child or not. It is something though that I want to bring up if we ever decide we would like another wee one as the risks with us getting pregnant again just are not worth it.
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@tequiero21: Adopting out of birth order can be very scary. For example, we had two foster brothers who were older than my youngest brother and sister. These two boys came to us having experienced severe traumas (that’s how you get taken out of your home and your parents’ rights terminated, right?). These boys hurt animals and would have tried to hurt my brother and sister if we didn’t get them moved from our home.
When you bring an older kid into the home (even if the trauma is mild), you disrupt the birth order… especially for your kid or kids that has the personality of an oldest child.
So at worst it can result in physical and sexual abuse and at best it can result in some psychological harm to your previously oldest child.
The only disrupted adoptions I know of in my contacts are of children who were adopted out of birth order.
@CameronsMomma: You have time. I didn’t realize that Cameron was only 24 days old! No pressure, mama!
honeydew / 7968 posts
@Mrs. Jacks: wow. you never think about these things. good to know! thanks!