Hellobee

Before jumping into the meat of this birth story novella, let me be an absurdly proud mama and introduce you to the little boys who are making my world go round.  Meet Elliot & Finn.

(L) Finn & (R) Elliot

Love these little guys!  Now on to the details.

We always knew our boys would need to be born between 36 and 37 weeks, so by 34 weeks I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of my  boys.  After our 34-week ultrasound, our maternal-fetal medicine specialist discussed our delivery options.  Even though Baby A was breech, they were willing to attempt a vaginal delivery or we could do a c-section.  We knew that my cervix needed to be doing something for them to let us do an induction, so at my appointment, my regular OB checked me out.  I was soft and 50% effaced, but still closed.  A couple days later, at our 36-week ultrasound, we sat down with the MFM and discussed our options.  He gave us some medical literature to read on the safety of delivering breech first twins and answered all of our questions.  We asked him to let us talk about it and we would call back after lunch with our decision.  I met Mr. Blue for lunch, and we both felt confident that we should try for an induction and vaginal delivery with the understanding that if anything looked like it might be going wrong, we were a-okay with a c-section.  I called the MFM and was scheduled to come in on Monday, March 11, at 7:00 a.m.

The night before my induction.

We arrived at the hospital and were quickly admitted, taken to our room, had an IV placed, and started the ever-present challenge of trying to keep both babies on the heart monitors.  My poor nurses, who were so fantastic, spent the next 13 hours constantly moving things around to try and keep the boys heart rates registering.  I started Pitocin at 9 a.m., and by noon I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes.  We had a little scare when Baby B’s heart rate started decelerating with every contraction.  I was told to lay on my right side, but that wasn’t helping and the nurses were getting a little concerned.  I was put on oxygen and was told to lay on my left side, and suddenly  Baby B was a happy camper.  At noon, I was 60% effaced, but still had no dilation.  In the afternoon things started getting a lot rougher.  The contractions were every two minutes and definitely not fun.  The MFM told me I could have an epidural anytime since we knew these babies were coming one way or the other before I left, but I didn’t want to get one until I was well on my way because I didn’t want to risk stalling labor.  My OB was going to check me at 5, and I was just praying to be dilated to at least 2 or 3 cm.  At 6:30, after 10 hours on Pitocin, I was checked and was…60% effaced and still not dilated a single centimeter.  It was pretty crushing.

Our OB gave us three options.  (1) We could have a c-section that night;  (2) We could keep trying for a few more hours, but they didn’t think we would see much progress since my body had done nothing after 10 hours of Pitocin;  (3) We could stop the Pitocin, go home, and come back the next morning to try again.

Mr. Blue and I took a few minutes to talk alone.  We knew our boys had to be born that week and that there was a good chance another round of Pitocin would also be ineffective.  After some discussion, we chose to proceed with a c-section.

The nurses started prepping me, while the anesthesiologist and resident explained the spinal block and the process.  Soon they gave Mr. Blue his super huge scrubs and we waited for them to wheel me off.   I got super jittery and wasn’t sure I wanted to do this.  I even said I wasn’t sure I was ready to be a parent.  It just all seemed to be happening so fast, and I was scared of having a c-section after all the horror stories I’d heard, I was nervous about the boys’ safety, and I was unsure of my ability to be a good mother.

Nervous or not, I was shortly wheeled away.  Mr.  Blue sat in the hall anxiously waiting to be allowed in the OR.  There were 12 medical personnel in the OR-including my OB, his chief resident, a nurse and charge nurse, an anesthesiologist & anesthesia resident, four NICU personnel to assess the babies when they were born, a med student, and a couple other people who I never really identified.  Our boys would be making their arrival with a crowd to cheer them on.

Mr.  Blue came in, and things got under way.  In a matter of minutes, my OB said it looked like Baby B would be taken out first.  He said, “And he’s a BIG baby!”  Then, my first born boy let out a wail and tears started streaming down my face.  He was here, and I loved him.  I hadn’t even seen him yet, but something in me responded to his cry.  That was the moment I became a mommy in my heart.  I was craning my head to try and see him where he was being assessed when, exactly one minute later, I heard my OB say, “Here’s the next baby, and he’s a little guy!”  Another wail filled the air.  I was so relieved that they were here and healthy enough to cry.  Mr. Blue was still sitting beside me, and I demanded that he go stand by the babies and see what was going on.

(L) Elliot & (R) Finn

Elliot was born at 8:33 p.m. and weighed 5 lbs. 15 oz. and was 18 1/2 inches.  Finn was born at 8:34 p.m. and weighed 4 lbs. 4 oz. and was 17 inches long.

Meeting my Finny Pie for the first time.  

Mr. Blue hanging out with Elliot. 

After a few pictures, the nurse practitioner leading the NICU teams came over to me and explained that they needed to admit both of my boys to the NICU.  Even though their first APGAR scores were good (Elliot was 8/8 and Finn was 7/8), Elliot was having a little trouble breathing and Finn was very small and needed to be assessed more thoroughly.  We would be able to go see them in about two hours after they were admitted and the initial care was complete.

As soon as I got out of recovery and moved to the antepartum wing, we waited for the call from NICU that we could go see our sons.  When the call finally came, the nurse and Mr. Blue helped me into a wheelchair, and we headed downstairs to begin our parenting adventure in NICU. We went downstairs, and they showed us Finn.  I got to hold my little boy and try breastfeeding while they told us that he was having a hard time regulating his temperature and might have to be put in an isolette.

Mr. Blue spending some quality time with Finn the next day while in his isolette.  

Next they took us to meet Elliot.  Unfortunately, he was on a CPAP machine for his breathing, and we couldn’t hold him.  He also had to be fed intravenously.  I’m not going to lie.  Not being able to hold your newborn child is heart wrenching, and I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone.

It was so hard to see our sons not doing perfectly, to not have them with us right away, and to have to leave them and go back upstairs to sleep, but we were so thankful that they were still some of the “healthier” babies in the NICU.

Other than that our sweet little boys had to go to NICU, I have no regrets about my birthing experience.  I’m glad we chose to switch to a c-section when we did.  I gave an induction a try, but the c-section enabled my boys to quickly and safely enter the world when the induction wasn’t progressing.  My recovery was probably a little different than most because I was pretty much on my feet or in a wheelchair immediately and never really “rested” because I spent all my time in the hospital taking care of my boys downstairs in NICU.  I definitely took all the pain meds they offered, and with that, I was able to push through.

A little less than two weeks later, I’m feeling really great.  It still hurts a little when I laugh or cough, but I’m up and about caring for my boys without any major problems.  I know c-section experiences vary, but mine was ultimately a great experience.  It isn’t always terrible or traumatic.  I originally worried about missing out on the “real” birthing experience, but I don’t feel that way at all.  I carried my boys for 36 weeks, which everyone was thrilled about. When it was time to make a decision, I made the choice that I believe was best for my boys.  I chose a route that wasn’t my dream birth plan, but part of becoming a mother is putting my own preferences aside to do what I believe is best for my children. I’m proud of my decision to have my boys delivered via c-section.  I am 100% just as much a mommy and a woman as I would be if I had delivered vaginally.  It’s just part of our story, and all four of us are happy to be together no matter how that happened!

Spoiler Alert: We spent 8 days in NICU and are now home and enjoying snuggling Finn & Elliot without any wires, monitors, nurses, or doctors!