Hellobee

I began this process as I always do with anything– with a lot of research. I previously detailed the pros and cons of the various methods of adopting.  After looking at the options, it became fairly clear to us that domestic infant adoption was destined to be our path.  We preferred to go through infancy again and we wanted to be able to designate some of the characteristics pertinent to our situation (drug exposure and health history).  This made domestic infant adoption the logical choice for us.  So what were the next steps?  How would we go about getting started?

I went back to researching and this brought us to yet another decision tree.  There are at least two different routes to domestic infant (non-foster) adoption.  One is through the traditional agency and the other is through an adoption lawyer.  There are pros and cons to each of these, but from my research, it looked like there is a modest cost savings and more control using a lawyer, while there is more of a structured system when using an agency.  We knew that we’d be giving up some control by using an agency, but that we were likely to have more support through an agency.  We also thought having an agency might mitigate the risk of fraud that comes from vetting individual situations on our own.

We then had to research individual agencies.  Please keep in mind that agencies vary widely in what they provide for you and for the birth mother, and in the various requirements and fees.  We looked for a non-profit agency in our state that had an ethical approach to birthmother care and counseling.  Our state is very adoptive parent friendly, so we went the extra mile to make sure that the situations we would consider met our own ethical standards, as well.  If you are planning on a domestic infant adoption, it would be wise to familiarize yourself with the adoption laws in your state, especially as they relate to birthfather rights and TPR (or termination of parental rights). Here is a list of the states and the full text of their adoption laws.

We interviewed different agencies on the phone and then finally made a decision on which to use.  At that point, we felt pretty confident that we made the most informed decision that we could and that we found an agency that met with our ethical standards.  (Actually, originally we found 2 that we really liked and had planned on working with both in combination.) Only then, could we begin the process of filling out forms and setting up a home study.

We took our time making these decisions even though we were anxious to get started. It took 2-3 months before we were really confident in the direction we were going and in the choice we made.  In June 2011, we were finally ready to dive in head first!