Hellobee

I had no idea that there were so many different roads to get to the final destination of adoption!  People can choose to pursue International Adoption, Foster Adoption, Domestic Infant Adoption or Embryo Adoption.  When we started this process, I didn’t know much about any of these, and I’ll admit that I didn’t even know what embryo adoption was! (It’s the act of having a donated embryo from one person’s IVF into another woman.  Genetic material is from another couple, so it is considered a form of adoption).

I guess I came into the process with this vague romantic notion that our family would match with a child in need of a home from some far off land.  It would be simple, clean, and our family would end up with ties to a beautiful culture that we previously hadn’t known much about.

We decided that Ethiopia might be the perfect place, and we set about doing our research.  What we found was far different from our vague imaginings.  Circumstances and agencies varied widely (from highly ethical to perhaps questionable).  We discovered that the Ethiopian adoption system has some issues that made us less than 100% confident in the process.  In fact, the Department of State made a statement in March 2011 saying, “There may be inappropriate activity in terms of how children are identified [in Ethiopia] as available for adoption. More detailed and targeted analysis is ongoing.”

We admire those who are able to work within a troubled system to achieve their dreams, but we began to look for other countries and other pathways. So let’s get to how one decides between the various different types of adoptions.  Within each adoption type, there are a number of other choices that have to be made as well!  You knew this couldn’t be simple, right?

In the International adoption world, each country has different requirements for the adoptive parents, making identification of a country an important first step.  Popular programs include China, Ethiopia and Eastern Europe.  Some programs that were once very popular have been shut down due to ethics concerns (such as Guatemala).

– Age: Most countries require parents to be between 25 and 45 years old.

– Cost: Cost typically ranges from $25,000 to $45,000 depending on the country.

– Family characteristics: Single women may be eligible.  Gay/lesbian couples are frequently not eligible.  There are guidelines as to how long a heterosexual couple must have been married and whether there has been a previous divorce.

– Child age: Half of international adoptees are between 1-4 years old when adopted.  Because of the nature of international adoption, it isn’t possible to bring home a newborn.

– Waiting time: It’s not unusual to wait 2 years or more to bring a child home.

– Contact with birth parents: This is essentially an old-fashioned closed adoption.  You may be required to send yearly updates so the country can continue to monitor the child, but that’s about it.

– Amount of control over the process: Aside from picking the country and agency, the rest is dictated by the countries involved.

– Disability: Because health care and record keeping vary widely from country to country, you have to at least be somewhat prepared to parent a child with either delay or disability.

– Race/Ethnicity: Generally in international adoptions, you’ll be preparing to parent a child that is Asian or African.  About 20% of international adoptees are from Eastern Europe.

Adoption of a child who has been removed from his/her family of origin due to significant issues that make reunification with birth family impossible.

– Age: No specific age requirements for parents.

– Cost: Expenses are minimal if any, and some children will continue to receive benefits such as Medicaid until they reach age 18.

– Family characteristics: There are no specific requirements about the make-up of your family.  However, your state may have limitations about gays and lesbians adopting.  (I’m looking at you, Utah… and not in a good way!)

– Child age: Children in foster care can range from infants to 17 years of age.  However, infants are relatively rare in foster to adopt situations.  Often sibling groups need homes.

– Waiting time: This can be very unpredictable, but placement can happen quickly.

– Contact with birth parents: You may have contact with the birthparents before their parental rights are terminated.  After their rights are terminated, it is unusual to have contact

– Amount of control over the process: You have some say as to what types of children you would like in your home (ages, sibling groups), but the rest is dictated by state agencies.

– Disability: Many of these children can have cognitive impairment due to early environment or behavioral issues as a result of their environment.  Younger placements are likely to have less problems.

– Race/Ethnicity: Varies widely

Adoption of an infant, whose birthmother has decided that placing her child with another family is in the best interest of the child.

– Age: Some agencies have age requirements, but most do not.

– Cost: Cost typically ranges from $5,000 to $45,000 depending on the agency and your requirements.

– Family characteristics: Single parents are eligible.  Gay/lesbian couples can be eligible (though again, stink eye to Utah).  There are guidelines as to how long a heterosexual couple must have been married and on previous divorce.

– Child age: by definition, you’ll be bringing home an infant

– Waiting time: Varies widely.  From approval to match, most people typically wait between 6-18 months.  This depends on what kinds of situations you are open to.

– Contact with birth parents: You are most likely to be in some sort of open adoption situation with domestic infant adoption.  This can range from pictures and letters once a year to regular face to face meetings.  It is a good idea to think about what amount of contact with which you will feel comfortable before going this route.

– Amount of control over the process: Quite high.  You can specify everything from sex to in-utero exposures (drugs and alcohol) to race.

– Disability: In domestic infant adoption, there is always some degree of uncertainty.  You are relying on the reporting of the birthmother (and medical records).  There is no situation without problems, but then if we looked closely enough at our own biological situation, the same issues apply!

– Race/Ethnicity: Whatever you specify.  However, there are probably more children with minority backgrounds available for adoption in the US.

*Source: The adoption guide: www.theadoptionguide.com/tools/planner/matrix.php.

Armed with all this information, you can probably understand why we felt both empowered and information overloaded at the same time.  After a brief bout with some analysis paralysis, our road started to take shape! We turned our aspirations homeward and began to think about routes to a domestic adoption.  We considered foster to adopt (as my sister had done in the past) or domestic infant adoption.  After weighing the pros and cons of our options, we decided that domestic infant adoption would be the best path for our family.  We had chosen a road, but had no idea whether it would be full of hairpin turns or straight and narrow.  Would it have detours, closures or poor signage?  We had no idea, but were anxious to find out!